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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>Well, not creepy really, and not a co-worker really.</p>
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<p>There is someone who works for a judge I am in front of frequently.  This someone, let's call him "Jimbo," is a nice man whom I have known about 8 years.</p>
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<p>But...there is something about him that I find a bit offputting, and I don't know what it is.  He's kind of a flirt, but I don't really think he means it sexually so much as affectionately.  Like he tells me I look 12 years old when I smile, or he calls me the same lame nickname all the time.  Anyway, he occasionally puts a hand on my shoulder or reaches out to massage my neck.  For some reason it gives me the heebie jeebies when he gets close to me.  You know how some people just do that to you without any overt reason?</p>
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<p>Normally I just give him a distracted smile when I see him and keep moving.  But the other day I was talking to clerk about a case, and he came up and started massaging my neck.  Apparently the fact that my entire body went rigid didn't register with him.  I don't know how to say, "don't touch me," without making it sound like I think he's creepy.  Like I said, he's a nice man, and I've known him for a long time.  Everyone knows him, and to my knowledge he doesn't give anyone else the heebie jeebies.  The courhouse is a very small community, and as one of my colleagues says, "When you live in a fish bowl, don't shit in the water."</p>
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<p>If it makes a difference, he's about 20-25 years older than me.</p>
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<p>So...ignore it?  Is there something pithy I can say to make him stop?  Tell him to back off?</p>
 

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<p>We have a guy like that at work. One of the ladies just told him "I'm not real comfortable with people touching me." She actually said it in a courteous manner, and he got the message, at least with her.</p>
 

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<p> You may  remind him of someone or he is just one of those touchy people .. BUT  if he is  touching you and it make you feel uncomfortable, then you need to let him know. If he is just being friendly he'll be a little embarrassed but will stop and move on.</p>
<p>    When you are in a casual conversation, preferably with another friend present and when he is not touching you... say " I know we are friends, but when you massage my neck or touch me, it really makes me feel uncomfortable."<br>
 You can leave it at that and see what he does.. if it start again, address it immediately, reminding to keep his hands to himself and you may have to address it through.   If you want say it is distracting or as some teachers at school I know say-- ( with a chuckle.. but they are serious)  " Personal space!"   and take a step away.<br>
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<p>  I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable. ... but that thing about it being okay for everyone -- is like peer pressure back in High School. If you set limits, they should be  honored by any co-worker. </p>
 

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<p>Always listen to the heebie jeebies. </p>
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<p>Given what you do for a living, I know I'm not telling you anything new that people who do mean/awful/scary/nasty things don't always look or act mean/awful/scary/nasty out in public.   Even if he isn't one of those, what he is doing crosses the line of common boundaries of professional behavior and you have every right to ask that he stop. </p>
 

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<p>Tell him that the last time he touched you you got second degree burns from scrubbing your own skin with bleach and steel wool to get the fucking creepy crawlyness out of your skin.</p>
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<p>He'll get the message.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<p>Or....I could just scream.  That's probably make him stop.  Heh.</p>
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<p>You guys are right.  I need to woman up and tell him not to touch me.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>4boysmom</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69118/wwyd-creepy-co-worker#post_1926882"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>The guy is creeping you out.  What would you tell your kids to do?  Be nice and put up with it?  Heck no!  Tell him to knock it off. </p>
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<p><br>
1!!!</p>
 

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<p>MrsT's Dr. makes me feel that way - particularly when she was delivering our babies.  It was touching along with verbal comments that were over the line for me.</p>
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<p>I think you need to speak with him privately about the touching if you don't like it.  The way you describe it, it certainly sounds like he's crossing barriers.</p>
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<p>Of course you may just remind him of his daughter or something.  Still, you don't man handle co-workers/people on a professional basis unless you are a WWE wrestler.</p>
 

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<p>You got hit on by the doctor while she was delivering your babies?  <img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/confused.gif" style="width:16px;height:21px;" title=""></p>
 

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<p>She started telling me how I made beautiful babies and needed to make more and started rubbing my shoulders and neck.  She made the beautiful babies comments a couple of other times.  In the context of my wife being in labour and the way she said things and touched me it creeped me right out.  MrsT thought I was over reacting.  :dontknow:</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Mrtambalynman</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69118/wwyd-creepy-co-worker#post_1927037"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>She started telling me how I made beautiful babies and needed to make more and started rubbing my shoulders and neck.  She made the beautiful babies comments a couple of other times.  In the context of my wife being in labour and the way she said things and touched me it creeped me right out.  MrsT thought I was over reacting.  :dontknow:</p>
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<p><br>
 Naw, I don't think you were over reacting.  The doctor was probably trying to be nice , and  help you relax.. but that was weird  and really unprofessional. </p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jebba</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69118/wwyd-creepy-co-worker#post_1926793"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a>
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<p>There is someone who works for a judge I am in front of frequently. </p>
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<p>If I didn't know you were a lawyer, I'd be worried about you.</p>
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<p>As for the guy, go with the "I'm really not comfortable with physical contact at work."<br>
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