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<p>First off, I'm so sorry for your friends, <strong>Missy.</strong>  What a horrible, sad thing for them and their families.  They likely thought they were out of the woods seeing as she carried to full term.  It's a fear any woman has who's pregnant, I'm sure.  I'm sending lots of good vibes their way and yours, too.  DH's mom lost a baby like this between his sister and him and I know it makes her heart ache every day.  She was just saying the other day that she was sad that Evelyn would be the last baby in the family for her.  It's not something that goes away easily, that's for sure. </p>
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<p>And now, a little fun.  I'm donating blood today.  I suppose that isn't everyone's idea of fun, but I've been wanting to do so for a long time now and haven't been able to.  I finally got the ok from my doc on my iron levels so I should be good to go.  It makes me feel good that I'll be able to help someone who needs it.</p>
 

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<p>i barely slept last night.</p>
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<p>my thoughts wandered between 1) S&N and baby H 2) freaking out about my own baby and delivery 3) survivor's guilt.. that at such a sad time, i was even worried about my own baby.</p>
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<p>when people find out that i'm a midwife, they often say, "ahh! thats so nice - the happiest place in the hospital". i am always quick to say that it can also be the saddest, most tragic place in the hospital as well.</p>
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<p>babies just...don't die like that.</p>
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<p>i spent most of the night trying to figure out if i can get to chicago this weekend for the memorial but realized the futility of that. a) the airlines would freak b) my DH would freak c) i am probably the last person S wants to hear from/see.</p>
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<p>the two of us were part of baby palooza 2010. there are 5 of us close girlfriends due within 6 weeks of one another. how insane is that. we were supposed to raise our children together. we went through this whole pregnancy together.. and now one of us has to bury her baby before he even took a breath.</p>
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<p>life is so, so cruel and my faith is shaken to the very core.  </p>
 

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<p>I know this is little consolation <strong>Missy</strong>, but these things happen.  My mother-in-law had a stillbirth and two miscarriages before she finally had my sister-in-law, and then my wife 18 months after that.  Even now, more than 40 years later, my MIL still goes to the cemetary on her first child's birthday to visit.  I know it's not an easy thing for her to deal with.  But she does now have two happy and healthy adult children, so things have worked out okay.. </p>
 

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<p>Oh, I never answered yesterday's <strong>QOD</strong> about the super power.  I'd like to have something that I think nobody mentioned yesterday:  Mind control powers.  I'd love to be able to make my boss give me a raise.  Or better yet, pay me to stay home.  <img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/cool.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;" title=""></p>
 

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<p><strong>((((Missy))))</strong>  I think all those things you're feeling are so perfectly normal.  I'm so sad that your friend lost her baby and that you're feeling bad about all of this.  This is the time you need to focus on you and your new baby.  That is what's important right now for you.  I was thinking about you this morning, how you work in this field and how you must be "oh, so calm" about all of it because you know exactly what to expect.  Then I thought, "No way...we never know exactly what to expect" and you'd know this perhaps better than anyone!  I wish you nothing but peace right now!</p>
 

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<p>This will be a repeat for those of you on facebook, but I just love this picture:</p>
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<p><a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=6013893&l=c1a3e5eda1&id=630032081" target="_blank"><span>http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=6013893&l=c1a3e5eda1&id=630032081</span></a></p>
 

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<p>MIssy, I'm so sorry to hear that.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your friend and their family. </p>
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<p>Like Bob said, I know it won't make it any easier, but it seems as if everyone knows of story that has similar elements to this one. </p>
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<p>(((Missy)))</p>
 

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<p>Missy   I understand all the feelings you are having.  I have had them all at one time or another.  One thing I can say is that it was a huge comfort (and still is) to my cousins that people recognize they lost a child.  While a miscarriage is devestating in it's own way, this is different.  So every time I visit family graves, I stop at Elizabeth's as well.  The first time I did my cousin had no idea who had left flowers.  When she found out it was me she told me how important that was.  So just offer her the support you can, don't be afraid to discuss it with her if she wants, and just surround her with love.  And while I am sure right now it will be rough for her with so many friends expecting, she will still be happy for you and will eventually be loving on your kiddos with a smile!</p>
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<p>Many many more prayers for all involved!</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>missy1102</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69298/thursday-funness#post_1930206"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>life is so, so cruel and my faith is shaken to the very core.  </p>
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<p><br>
My heart is breaking for you and your friends.  Sometimes there just is no answer.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense.  And I know that's of absolutely no comfort, but there really is no explanation for why this happened. </p>
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<p>When I had a miscarriage, the NP told me it was Mother Nature's way of protecting the unborn baby, that perhaps she or he would have been born with many significant issues.  Not that it was better to lose the baby... but that it was fairer.  That perhaps that little one would have had such a difficult life that it was a protective thing.   I don't know if it helps to think of it that way.  After a long while, I did appreciate that insight.  It took me a while, though.</p>
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<p>I'm so, so sorry.  Wish I could say something to take away your pain. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Timr1</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69298/thursday-funness#post_1930233"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Like Bob said, I know it won't make it any easier, but it seems as if everyone knows of story that has similar elements to this one. </p>
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<p>Far, far too many stories. <br><br>
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<p><strong>(((Missy))) </strong> Will you be sending a letter to your friend or call her to say that you love her and are devastated for her?  And that you want to be there for her in whatever way she needs for you to be?  It is so hard to predict whether people want more contact or less in times like this, especially when you come home with your healthy baby, but I am sure she would appreciate knowing that you are deeply sorrowing for her too. </p>
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<p>Gah.  Now <em>I'm</em> going to cry.  Your poor friend.</p>
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<p>Fun:  Moonie is here!  And possibly still sleeping.<br>
Not fun:  I am at work, until around 2pm anyway.  I can leave early, but I have stuff going on until at least 1:45 or so.  Oh well, vacation day tomorrow!</p>
 

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<p>Again, Missy, I am so sorry.  There is just nothing I can say or add...I don't know that heartbreak and never will.</p>
 

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<p>((((<strong>Missy, S & H</strong>))))  I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's loss and your (understandable) anxiety.  Calming and healing vibes sent to all.</p>
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<p>String recital went well last night.  A weird thing happened in the middle, though.  We were in the middle of a song when a guy walked into our space.  He started whispering to my friend who was sitting right by the door and she answered him.  This went on for a minute or so while we continue to play.  Then he walks out.  After we finish that piece, he walks back in.  Apparently, he's the cable guy and he needs to check out the internet connection.  So, for the rest of the performance, he keeps walking in and out of the room and between pieces starts telling us about what he's doing.  Then right before the last piece, he says he's done, but he's going to stay for the final song (the Chariots of Fire theme in which I was the featured player).  I was dumbfounded the entire time, wondering why this guy didn't get that he was disrupting a concert.  I mean, we were performing on a raised platform with people sitting in seats arranged in rows in front of us.  What part of that suggested a casual chit chat, come and go at will scenario?  At any rate, we did not allow ourselves to be distracted by him and in general the recital was a success.  We'll have a fall series and we plan to go on tour to nursing homes to carol around Christmas.</p>
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<p>Also, not to restart the conversation yesterday around my rant, but I just wanted to say that my best friend is a sociologist who studies race, gender and sexual orientation and so we have tons of conversations about messages relayed through the media.  For the past 15 years or so, I've been very conscious about the implicit (and sometimes very explicit) themes in commercials, movies, tv shows, etc., and since I have an excitable personality anyway, if I don't agree with the messages I perceive, I get a little riled about it.  This doesn't mean I'm not a sucker for the very programming I rail against (Hello? I watch the Bachelor.) but it does push my buttons sometimes.</p>
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<p>And sorry about the spoiler, <strong>Brandy</strong>.  My mom spoiled it for me too, though she was totally wrong about 1/2 the things she spoiled.</p>
 

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<p>Prae so glad things went so well last night!  And that you didn't let the cable guy ruin anything for you.  Odd odd situation.  Oh and on the subject of bioweapons being a weak/girly way to kill...being a bio geek I disagree.  They are quite badass<img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/headbang.gif" style="width:26px;height:28px;" title=""></p>
 

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<p>I just opened my snack drawer cause I am freaking starving.  And it is empty!!!  WHAHHHHHHH?!  No, no one else raided it, I just forgot to restock.  And I can't even get ot the vending machines cause we had a flood in our building and the work crew is currently in teh break room sheetrocking the walls.  Looks like I will be busting out my lunch early.</p>
 
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