This infuriates me

Bob Ganuj · Jan 12, 2011

My mother is famous for this a i HATE it!
 
I can't stand it when I'm discussing (more like complaining) about someone (perhaps my sister) and the person I'm talking to (my mom) qualifies the behavior I'm complaining about by saying, "Oh such and such other family member does that," or, "Well, she's just like such and such other family member." 
 
For example I was complaining to my mom last night that I feel like my sister takes advantage of her immediate family (myself, my parents, my brother). And mom said, "You're father's the same way." 
Normally, when I complain about my sister, mom says, "well my sister's the same way.' 
 
and I guess she's doing it to show that she gets it too from her sister. But, it just annoys me b/c I don't care who or what other people she's like. I care that her current behavior is annoying me. It feels like mom's trying to make excuses for her.

Mrtambalynman · Jan 12, 2011

Maybe you should stop complaining to your mother about your sister's behaviour if her common response is along these lines and it makes you so angry. I mean how long has this pattern of behaviour been going on? You do have free will - you can change what you are in control of (i.e., your reaction, your initiation, etc.)

altoids · Jan 12, 2011

Maybe what your mom means is "some people never change"? Kind of the "that's the way they are" kind of verbal shrug? Just thinking.
 
But I agree, I don't like excusing bad behavior by pretending that it's inherited or something. 
 
It sounds to me like she might be uncomfortable listening to criticism of her other daughter.

Grizzly · Jan 12, 2011

Please help me to understand this, I don't mean any disrespect here.
 
Why do you bring up your sister's behaviour with your mother? Do you hope/think that your mother will do something about it? Is it to gain leverage somehow? 
I have at times complained about siblings but I try not to. First of all I feel that as an adult any problems I have with a sibling are mine to solve. Second, as a parent I have learned that the "Dad, he did this..." rabbit hole is one that I want to avoid. I would think that it would put your mom in a bind that even if she did agree with you would be something that a reasonable parent would want to avoid.
 
Now if your sibling was doing something criminal - then yes, but if it is the regular crap that siblings do to each other... why bother? But I don't know your situation... hence the question.

Bob Ganuj · Jan 12, 2011

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Grizzly <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976294"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> Please help me to understand this, I don't mean any disrespect here.
 
Why do you bring up your sister's behaviour with your mother? Do you hope/think that your mother will do something about it? Is it to gain leverage somehow? 
I have at times complained about siblings but I try not to. First of all I feel that as an adult any problems I have with a sibling are mine to solve. Second, as a parent I have learned that the "Dad, he did this..." rabbit hole is one that I want to avoid. I would think that it would put your mom in a bind that even if she did agree with you would be something that a reasonable parent would want to avoid.
 
Now if your sibling was doing something criminal - then yes, but if it is the regular crap that siblings do to each other... why bother? But I don't know your situation... hence the question.
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No, it's just venting. Ya know, usually something petty. Oh big sis annoys b/c of blah blah blah.....and then mom's all like, well my sister does the same thing. I get that she's just kind of identifying. But, I just wanna piss and moan about my sis.

Grizzly · Jan 12, 2011

Okay, gotcha. 
 
Along the same lines as "Sibling X is always late..." or "Sibling Y needs to take a chill pill". 
 
Then your mom is being a mom and is either filling the air with non-committal responses or doesn't know what to say that wouldn't incriminate her in a court of law. I can see how it would bother you though.

Mrtambalynman · Jan 12, 2011

Then tell her you need her to offer tea and sympathy and not try to explain where she gets it from.

Bob Ganuj · Jan 12, 2011

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Mrtambalynman <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976304"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> Then tell her you need her to offer tea and sympathy and not try to explain where she gets it from.
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Well, what's the fun in that? 
Then I couldn't come on here and piss and moan about the bitterness among my family and have flaming 10 page thread!!! <img alt="angry1.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/angry1.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;">

runfishhunt · Jan 12, 2011

Heh... I get tired of hearing how great things are for my brother or sisters via my mom sometimes. "Oh your brother got a new car and this and that and I'm pretty sure he's Jesus in disguise!" Hmmph... well call him next time you need tires or your toilet quits working.... I keep my mouth shut though.

Mrtambalynman · Jan 12, 2011

<img alt="icon_geek.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/icon_geek.gif" style="width:25px;height:24px;">
 
Sorry, I'm in a CTFU mood today. 

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Bob Ganuj <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> <div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Mrtambalynman <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976304"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> Then tell her you need her to offer tea and sympathy and not try to explain where she gets it from.
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Well, what's the fun in that? 
Then I couldn't come on here and piss and moan about the bitterness among my family and have flaming 10 page thread!!! <img alt="angry1.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/angry1.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;"> 

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airehead · Jan 12, 2011

I totally get this. Ironically, I'm going to do this to you!! lol!!
 
Anytime, I mean ANY TIME, Mr Aire and I have an illness and we tell his mom, she always says, "...oh, that's nothing, your aunt sonso had the same thing and died...,"or"...uncle bob had that." and then proceeds to monopolize the conversation and talk about how it affected her.
 
Seriously, about a month after my gma died, mother in law says, "well, grandpa just needs to move on and get over it." I am not lying.
 
 
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Bob Ganuj <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976300"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> 
No, it's just venting. Ya know, usually something petty. Oh big sis annoys b/c of blah blah blah.....and then mom's all like, well my sister does the same thing. I get that she's just kind of identifying. But, I just wanna piss and moan about my sis. 

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Bob Ganuj · Jan 12, 2011

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by airehead <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976346"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> 

Seriously, about a month after my gma died, mother in law says, "well, grandpa just needs to move on and get over it." I am not lying.
 
 
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 <img alt="shock.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/shock.gif" style="width:15px;height:15px;">
holee molee.

Mrtambalynman · Jan 12, 2011

Perspective is everything. 

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by airehead <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976346"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> 
I totally get this. Ironically, I'm going to do this to you!! lol!!
 
Anytime, I mean ANY TIME, Mr Aire and I have an illness and we tell his mom, she always says, "...oh, that's nothing, your aunt sonso had the same thing and died...,"or"...uncle bob had that." and then proceeds to monopolize the conversation and talk about how it affected her.
 
Seriously, about a month after my gma died, mother in law says, "well, grandpa just needs to move on and get over it." I am not lying.
 
 
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Bob Ganuj <a href="/forum/thread/72132/this-infuriates-me#post_1976300"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> 
No, it's just venting. Ya know, usually something petty. Oh big sis annoys b/c of blah blah blah.....and then mom's all like, well my sister does the same thing. I get that she's just kind of identifying. But, I just wanna piss and moan about my sis. 

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This infuriates me

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