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Okay, folks, since I can't log miles for the Thorathon, I can at least start the roast thread. Ready? Wait for it...I'll start, then y'all pick it up from there. Everyone take a paragraph, don't be shy now!
 

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OhPeepsMyPeeps, today was a special day unlike any special day before. Such a day it was, it shall live in memory forever, and perhaps, like wonderful legends, beyond forever. For today my Peeps, I faced my challenge and overcame in fine fashion, with fine friends in attendance.<br><br>
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It all started three years ago when I was sitting in my favorite English pub savoring the fine bubbly head of a Fullers ESB. I was struck by a thought, like lightning really, of a fragment of a dream that started when I was in my mothers womb. I heard the ocean. The ocean was calling me and I told myself that one day, one day....<br><br>
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...one day I would look back and realize that sound wasn't the ocean at all... it was merely the sloshing of amniotic fluid as my mother ran 800 meter intervals at a sub 4:00 pace. But that sloshing rhythm still called me to the sea. I realized I was at once drawn to the sea and afraid of it. It was in that moment I knew that my fear of the sea was really a deep-seated of wombs. And looking into my soon-to-be Ironmate eyes, I vowed to overcome my fears. I set a goal. Commited to it. Yes, I would make it happen. I would face my fears and take to the sea just as my little Thor-seed would one day swim upstream to find purchase in my fair Ironmate's womb. Then, and only then, would that incessant tick-tick-ticking finally stop.<br><br>
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Fine dreams and fair goals. Good questions. I've been thinking on this topic at length lately. Why the Ocean, if I may ask? Is it any Ocean or this particular sea who's birds sing sweetly, calling to me. I wonder what is the draw to sea's and seeds. Why then would it be the Ironmate's womb? Of all the wombs hither and fro; the fairest of which I've had more than my share. My mighty hammer has laid it on down....<br><br>
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Let the Roasting begin...<br><br>
This is fun, but instead of sitting back, let me play along...<br><br>
Geez Thor, you're the only person I know who writes seven paragraphs that says nothing more "nice job on your race."<br><br>
I've run with you Thor... Do you ever SHUT UP?<br><br>
Some people find God 80 miles into a long ride to help get them through, but you find LOVE... what Kool Aid are YOU drinking?
 

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Dude...can't leave well enough alone and let <b><i>US</i></b> have the fun of roasting you!
 

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It appears to me, and I may well be wrong here as I have not read the official rules and only pursued the abbreviated version that you might possibly have misinterpreted what constitutes a paragraph. Again, this is only my opinion however in my experience a paragraph is laid out thus. First you would need an opening idea, I'll have to check with JR on this, but it seems like a grand idea to me. The opening thought could be a simple as "nice job on your race". More often than not however we must delve into why you have done such a good job on your race. Have you set a PR as does Woody or were you simply a fasthole outreaching the youngsters with your stroller. Have you overcome the perennial stress fracture or are you brilliantly working with another, keeping your speed in check whilst helping the friend to climb to their highest peaks of realizing the goal of crossing a finish line for the first of many glorious victories. Then we we have stated what we believe to be the thesis of our opening line we must never "shut -up". Only strong writing follows as we wax philosophically on about your accomplishments. An example of this would be to state how, as your spirit was challenged, you rally above pedantic odinarary-ism to strive at the heart of the matter. Did you find it empowering to pee on the bike? Sheldon and CC have taught many to pee on the bike. As you follow suit you will forever become linked with the kindred spirit of the multi-sport-er. We are a brave and triumphant bunch. A never say die attitude helps us accomplish what others can only dream of and quite literally might scoff at in ignorance. Overcome closed mindedness and you see what you are truely capable of. Which leads up to the third principle of a good paragraph. It all links back to a little experience I like to call Cordon Blue. When I toed the line at the infamous race my heart was pounding with anticipation, as I'm sure yours was at today's Marathon. Will I be good enough? Will I be strong enough? Can I persevere in the face of all obstacles and hardships no matter what this landmark course is about to hand me. Truth be told, I'd done my research. I was complete in my training. I had even talked to many a local and well familiar adversary on this subject I was about to embark on. Gathering from their knowledge on the subject. Licking clean, if you will, every morsel of wisdom they had to imbibe. What obstacles would there be in my road to happiness and fulfillment? Had I thoroughly thought them threw in turn? Had I made charts and graphs displaying the high points and low? I believe I had. The pro's and con's had been measured. The risks and rewards had been weighed. The only recourse now was to toe the line with the millions of other who had undergone such undertakings. Not just those brave soldiers taking on the challenge of today but those of the past, the ancestors of my land and heart who had gone before me. The mighty pioneers who came to settle of score with their hopes and dreams. Spirits lingering to show me the way.<br>
Lastly, we must conclude our paragraph, albeit this is a short version, with the profound knowledge I have accumulated over the course of thinking this through. That is to say, every good race, say the race of your life, be it Cordon Blue, the pace to the alter, or life's goals as a marathon a day, ever day for a year... is not found in the first mile. Only after you have put in the time and effort (is this effort worth it I truely believe so) does the time space continuum start to take shape in the mind's eye. Somewhere between mile 80 on the bike through the sometimes overwhelming and harrowing road ahead and the tears that come with knowledge you learn....<br><br><br>
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I'm still waiting for Thor's Super-Secret Clearwater Revival Race Report. Just sayin'<br><br>
Anyhoo-Thor-you're the bestest (next to Sheldog!)<br><br>
Crap...my dog just farted.
 

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Um, part three of your IM report? IJS...<br><br>
Yeah, for someone who likes to dribble on and on....why no RR for Clearwater?
 

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Believe me, I have that report for Clearwater, some of it is even written down. I have, in fact written 1,846.5 paragraphs about my amazing, life-changing Clearwater experience; which brought to fruition dreams that started as a small voice in my head, the day of my very first half-iron scant years ago. But really the dream began long before that, only I didn't realize it, it took The Girl, The Fiance, The Love of My Life, My Little Ironmate to make that small voice into the raging, triumphant shout that it became as I crossed that finish line that beautiful day in Clearwater, with her beautiful eyes and angelic smile pulling me onward to the finish despite the tiredness in my legs. I was able still, to pull out all the stops.<br><br>
It was amazing, it really was, and I have the other 732.5 paragraphs in my head, just waiting to be put down in writing forever, but I've been so busy, my apologies to all, but I will get around to it after I complete the three marathons and a 50k next month, which I will also write a dozen miserly paragraphs about marveling at the course, the beauty of the day, and the amazing miraculous regenerative powers of my legs, which should be tired, yet never are. I will then also promise to write more about each of these amazing, wonderful, incredible endeavors, without actually ever doing so.
 

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<i>I believe I can fly ...</i><br><img alt="" src="http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa133/DougieFresh34/Timberman%202007/TimbermanThor1.jpg" style="border:0px solid;"><br><br><i>I believe I can touch the sky ...</i><br><img alt="" src="http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa133/DougieFresh34/Timberman%202007/TimbermanThor3.jpg" style="border:0px solid;"><br><br><i>He does this in, like, every triathlon. *yawn*</i><br><img alt="" src="http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa133/DougieFresh34/Timberman%202007/TimbermanThor2.jpg" style="border:0px solid;">
 

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I don't know Thor as well as many of you. However, there have been several occasions when it's taken me several days of reading in order to get all the way through one of his race reports. Such elaborate detail coupled with all the emotions springing forth from a highly trained athlete is very rare. When Scott Tinley is ready to step down, Thor will be there to fill the position - well except for sounding like a beach bum surfer dude turned Ironman champion. Please tell us that Thor didn't write the wedding vows or there could be the distinct possibility of having the world's longest wedding ceremony! Not that it's a bad thing, but it could delay the departure for the reception and the honeymoon. Speaking of honeymoon, is Thor taking his lovely bride out for a few 100 mile rides or maybe a 20 mile run?<br><br>
Well, I wish them both well. I've already run 15 miles and had 4 beers for him and tomorrow I'll add a few more. You da man Thor!
 

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Have you washed your knees yet? Like my 4 yr-old's hands....always dirty. <img alt="icon_salut.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/icon_salut.gif">
 

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I've now been through this thread three times. First as it unfolded, second the day after the Stag Run, and just now again, and let me say... you guys nailed it. I'm reading along, like especially TASM and CCGirl and OhBannonMyBannon and hobey and... Melistic, which was funny as heck... and thinking, cripes, that's me!<br><br>
Want to also add that, as you know, this is a very special time for me, and to have you guys here (yes, including roasting away) support it in the way you have is special. Thank you. And it is also a testament to the amazing thing that has become Team LIT. Because we are all a bunch of hard working, like-minded fools bouncing along, sometimes prancing, other times playing, in this thing we called life. We have grown together in sport, as friends, and some of us, like myself, even as the person we are. Together. Friends. Team. Thank you.<br><br>
Don: Thanks for the kind words. As for the vows, well, I will write my vows but, well, haven't done so just yet. But hey, I got just under 2 weeks! And I will try to keep them short, or at least as long as the Ironmates and no more. Note I said TRY! <img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/smile.gif"><br><br>
Race Reports: Damn, I get a good laugh out of the "missing" race reports. Those who've been around these parts for a few years may recall that there are three race reports I have not written. No coincidence is it that those were also, in order, the three biggest races of my life. For reasons beyond me, I have yet to complete them. I have seriously paragraphs upon paragraphs on each, but yet no report. The memories and changes and lessons from them perhaps were too great, where there are so many words -- too many, really -- to be laid into print to do the experience justice. I hope I get a chance to go back and do that. I really do. But the events were so rich and fulfilling that even if I never do, I'll never forget the beauty that was each of those races.<br><br>
The only report from those races was the "IMWI: In-Race Special Report," which will forever in my mind be the real story of Ironman Wisconsin. I remember the heavy rains and the hills on the bike course or even loosen my lowest gear at mile 60 and then my second lowest by mile 80, and I remember the marathon and holding on through the driving rain... but the one part that comes to the front is getting my knee dirty in front of the state capitol building at State Street as I was completing the first loop of the marathon. That was special. And so although I have had a tough time writing to those events, that is one memory that I did get, and for that I am thankful. Because I return to it from time to time, and I know, as in any relationship, there will be time when I will need to pull it out again.
 

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If you post your three RR I'll post my "awaited" IMFL #3 post.<br><br>
I have to write it!
 

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I think it would be appropriate to start a pool.<br>
Who'll get their delinquent RRs in first?<br><br>
Thor?<br>
Tithers?<br><br>
Or, you could take bets on a date if you're more adventurous.<br><br>
Sort of like a Kickrunner RR roulette.<br>
Just sayin'
 

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At this point, with a house closing and a wedding coming up followed by a honeymoon out of country, Tithers has at least a month ahead of me to get it done. Me, time will come when the moment is right to sit down and write a race report or three. I suppose I'm just not ready.
 

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Ok...Thor....<br>
you're taking all the fun out of gambling over you!!<br><br>
lol
 

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Give me at least a month... or at least give Tithers a lead of a month. Because when I get back from the honeymoon, it's Ironman Lake Placid all the time. Focus will be pinpoint... might be a good time to write those reports to help motivate for the battle ahead!
 
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