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To the circulation manager:<br><br>
When captors choose to break down the mental state of their prisoners as a prelude to interrogation or, even, torture, they often destroy any semblance of predictability about the prisoner's life. They will randomly move the fundamental aspects of the prisoner's routine, such as meals, sleep, light, dark, or their daily newspaper.<br><br>
Sometimes, they may even toy with the mental well-being of the prisoner by making the routine appear to settle into something comprehensible, before ripping all consoling ritual out at the roots and beginning anew.<br><br>
I must, therefore, protest vigorously to whomever has decided to torment our household with random newspaper delivery (or non-delivery). I must concede. The evil forces at work have done their job, and I am a raving lunatic, never sure whether to make the coffee and then read the paper; look for the paper, and then make the coffee; or simply hang my head in despair and go buy a Globe and Mail at the office.<br><br>
It has come to the point that I am afraid to even open my door in the morning. Optimism is dead. I have ceased to believe that the paper will be there. Is this what the Forces of Darkness were hoping to accomplish?<br><br>
In all seriousness, whomever was delivering our paper the week before this past one, was a gem and a jewel. The paper arrived nice and early, neatly folded, on the doorstep. Last week, by contrast, it has been located in many random locations in my front yard, if it appeared at all. Which it didn't yesterday, and hasn't yet today.<br><br>
I recognize that writing a letter of this kind marks the first descent into senility, which is sad for a woman of 41, but I am defeated and must turn to you for mercy.<br><br>
Regards,<br><br>
Mustang Sally
 

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Thanks for sharing.<br>
It feels wrong that we, your readers, get enjoyment out of your laments.<br><br>
Here's to your paper arriving in a timely fashion, neatly folded and on the porch.
 

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Be careful on this one Mustang.<br><br>
I suspect a vast, sinister, conspiracy, lurking just beneath the surface of this misfortune.<br>
I would consider abducting the delivery person and treating them with abounding compassion for as long as necessary to get them fully in your confidence and subtly coerce them into revealing the scope and purpose of said conspiracy in order that an underground counter conspiracy can be organized to overthrow the array of evil behind this no doubt innocent, but maladroit <i>circulateur</i>.<br><br>
use balogna<br>
blarney<br>
and punctuation<br>
as called for.<br>
don't be shy<br>
jjj
 

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Here is one suggestion........Get out a tape recorder and record some loud wails and screams as if you are in serious pain. Place the recorder near a front window, along with a couple of old pots and pans. Tomorrow morning, near delivery time, just keep watch. When you spy the approaching carrier, open the window slightly, turn the recorder up to high, and start beating on those pots and pans. Yell at the top of your voice a couple of times....."I think you should learn to be more dependable." Then, open the door holding a baseball bat, greet your carrier with a very stern look, and say "well, at least you showed up with my paper this time....I really hate it when people aren't reliable." You might get a visit from the cops asking where the badly beaten body is, but I bet it encourages your paper to arrive on time.
 

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Just get the old foam roller out and record the sound effects of your session. The carrier will be trembling in fear...<img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif"><br>
j
 
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Mr Chairman, I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of a morning newspaper in MS yard. I deny the use of goverment funds to throw said paper in the bush....what was the question again....
 

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......I was impressed 'cause you managed to work ''Coffee'' in there 3 different times......<br><br><br>
at least you got the priorities straight.......
 

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<br>
Watch Law and Order a few times to get some interrogation ideas--thei detectives' ability to psych out their prisoners is amazing. <img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif"><br><br>
Seriously, hope they get this right. I don't have newspapers delivered to me b/c of things like this. But darn I saw an add for the Sun. delivery for only 88 cents/week for thirteen weeks! Talk me down somebody! It's a plot! <img alt="surprised.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/surprised.gif">
 

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Some would say it is good to live on the edge and shake up the old routine once in a while.<br><br>
Thanks for the laugh. Feel free to post OT threads any time <img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif">
 

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My favorite paragraph from Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay (page 170):<br><br><span style="color:#0000FF;">"While the coffee brewed, I checked for the newspaper, more out of hope than expectation. It was rare for the paper to arrive before six-thirty, and on Sundays it often came after eight. It was another clear example of the disintegration of society that had so worried Harry. Really, now: If you can't get my my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?"</span>
 
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