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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My son is twelve going on seventeen. He's maturing way quicker than I'd expected. He's at a place I wasn't prepared for until he was at least 15 or 16. This really sucks because it feels as if he's slipping through my fingers. Clashes, the choices he's making will effect him down the road. Choices that when I was his age weren't even a choice, I just did them without thought. All I can do is give the best advice possible without getting too emotional about it and try and be supportive.<br><br>
Sometimes being a parent really sucks.
 

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Indeed.<br><br>
Sometimes in life, the hardest thing to do is to let someone do something that you know (feel) is wrong, but you have to let them learn the lesson.
 

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I have a 12 year old, going on ... I'm not sure ... there are days where he seems like he's 10, others he's 17.<br><br>
You hit the nail on the head with this:<br><i><br>
All I can do is give the best advice possible without getting too emotional about it and try and be supportive.<br></i><br>
That is exactly it. There are certain things I will put my foot down on and will be non-negotiable. Otherwise when DS is making a choice I don't necessarily agree with, I ask him to explain why he's doing X instead of Y. I make suggestions, have him think of possible outcomes. But, the reality is, he needs to be able to problem-solve on his own, and sometimes that means I have to allow him to make his own choices, right or wrong.<br><br>
Sometimes being a parent does really suck, but most of the time it's an incredible experience. I'm enjoying the ride.
 

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Safe from himself is an ominous phrase, so I guess that's a factor.<br><br>
Otoh, the longterm effect of letting natural and logical consequences play out is a better parent than any human mind can conceive.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><span style="font-size:xx-small;">just realized backwardjen said the same thing, better.</span>
 

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Add to that, it seems we go so very quickly from a kind of ownership of our children to decidedly non-owner unasked-for advice givers and onlookers as the events unfold and there isn't a lot of transition time.<br><br><br><br>
I don't have any wisdom for that; it's just what happens.
 

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My 12 year old son has been going through very similar rebelliousness since last year. I have to admit that I do choose my battles a little more now with him. He tells me right out that he wants his independence-I tell him when I don't have to remind him to brush his teeth anymore, keep his room clean and do his homework then he will begin to have some independence.
 

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Got bad news for you buddy... she's right behind him. <img alt="wink.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/wink.gif">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
This is the philosophy I agree with. Who am I to interfere with or deny him of his experiences? But, still, I can see a path he's going down and I want to throttle him.
 

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In my recent years of raising teens I learned deep-breathing exercises and read lots of zen. Drinking heavily remains an option as well.<br><br>
I dunno if it helped but nobody's dead yet.
 

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My 11 YO daughter has made a habit this year of choosing crappy friends. Me and Mrs. LH give friend-choosing advice, but, she is still hanging out with shallow superficial girls.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Oh sweet Lord!<br><br>
Pass the bottle.
 

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From 12 to about 15-16 is a tough time. They grow out of it, trust me. My three all went through this and they came back around.<br><br>
Try to keep in mind that they are testing you to see what you will allow and whether they can manipulate you. You have to be strong and firm. Now is the time to be the parent and not the friend. Stand your ground on the important things, be flexible on the not so important things. You don't have to be fair or consistent when you are worried about their well-being. My daughter had one curfew when she was out with one friend and an earlier curfew when she was out with another. She complained, but tough, we didn't trust her other friend. And that's what we told her.<br><br>
One of my best parenting moments came during this time. My daughter actually thanked me for making her come home early when she was hanging out with a certain friend. Her friend wanted to go hang out with older boys at a park. It made my daughter uncomfortable and she was able to use her curfew as an excuse to get out of it.<br><br>
Don't burn bridges with them. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and be willing to apologize. If they are going to learn to be flexible and compromise they are going to learn it from you. Always tell them you love them. Every day, several times a day. They might not seem to want to hear it, but they do.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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My 15yo son is great to be around. When ever there's a project going on, he's right there to help out. He loves physical labor. He's smart, but sometimes daft, but he's the kind of person I'd hire in a heartbeat.<br><br>
My 13yo son... Good lord, what did I do to deserve this kid?! This kid could pick a fight with a lamp post! We've had non-negotiable rules forever. No helmet = no bike. Since day one. Yet, suddenly the kid thinks he can choose to wear one or not? Because he's proven himself to make poor choices, he has very limited freedoms. He can be somewhat humanoid on occasion. I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him. But, the kid is giving me grey hairs!!!
 

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Poor choices have =limited independence for my son as well. He is trying to prove that this is backfiring and says he has no incentive to make good choices since his freedom is so limited. He thinks he is putting one over on me....I watch him like a hawk!
 

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Don't ever forget that he has a wonderful foundation and loving and supporting parents. In the long run, he won't forget that either.<br><br>
(((torque)))
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
How could he forget it with my boot up his ass. <img alt="razz.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/razz.gif">
 

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I haven't hit this stage with my son . He is 13 and leans torward bing immature in some areas ( dependent!) but others is above average. DD at 11 however is already testing the boundaries. ( She seems to think she is 18! ) Caffienated s aid it well in that we need parent hard and can't be the friend now. I have gleaned a lot from watching my sister raise 5 really responsible kids into great adults. They were very strict with their kids, but the boundaries were clear- they knew the consequences. Also still being there to hug them, spend time with them ( even if they don't seem to want to even be with us) is hugely important. They are pushing away but want to know that we will still pull them back in for a hug or joke or just to talk when they need it.<br>
Hang in there !
 
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