[refinnej10]

Can you guys share some ideas/thoughts/strategies for handling two kids vs. one?<br><br>
For example, how do I explain to DS that I can't do X right now because I'm feeding the baby without creating resentment?<br><br>
DS will be 4 when the baby is born.

 

[luckylily]

I got nothin'...

 

[Hanging Jury]

DS will have moments of rebellion and the whole "you don't love me as much as you love ugly little sister/brother" but, he'll also love to help out and be an important role. It's all part of growing up.<br><br>
BTW, sometimes I think two is more than twice as much work as one. But then, on occasion, 2 is easier than 1 (when they actually entertain each other and you can get stuff done!)

 

[clb]

This has never been done.<br><br>
Fortunately, most of us with more than one sibling get used to the give and take of family life and other people's needs and develop a more or less healthy sense of ourselves, realizing we don't own mommy or daddy.<br><br>
And eventually turn to internet forums for compensation.<br><img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif">

 

[ecodork]

I don't have any advice, but I think it's just a fact of life for a first child who gains a sibling. My sister, 5 years old at the time, tried to make my mom take me back to the hospital when I was a week old. My friend's 3.5 year old niece has been closely monitoring (as closely as a 3.5 yo can) how much attention her 4 month old brother is getting compared to how much attention she's getting.

 

[arc918]

our kids are 4 years apart<br><br>
there's no right answers - whenever our older one get jealous of the attention that her sister gets we are quick to remind her that she had us to herself for 4 years...<br><br>
it will all work out, they'll play, they'll fight, and repeat

 

[mrscoby78]

Try including DS as much as possible. Let him see how important it is to be a big bro. Let him grab a diaper for you at changing time. Let him help put hir down to sleep, turn on hir night light, help sing to hir.<br><br>
He'll still get jealous, but maybe not as much.<br><br>
And Miss Thang, why no belly pics?????

 

[Stitcher]

My sister was worried about this as well.<br><br>
She had a 2yr old when the 3rd one came. The first one was in school when the second one came, so it was a little bit easier.<br><br>
Anyway....<br><br>
She kept talking about "your baby".....<br><br>
"Your baby is growing in mommy's belly...."<br>
"Your baby is going to sleep a lot at first...."<br><br>
She really tried to establish the bond early. Remember, though, that she's a total ENTH, so she's all about being natural and including the other kids.<br><br>
Then, when the 3rd one arrived.....<br>
"Your baby is taking a nap...."<br>
"Your baby smiled at YOU!...."<br>
"You made your baby laugh...."<br><br>
Everything positive was a result of what the 2nd one did.<br><br>
When the 3rd was being a crying, whining, PITA......<br>
I heard.....<br>
"I know your sister can be a pain in the butt, but it is NOT ok to hit her!"<br><br>
Validate those feelings, help the older one express them......<br>
and then provide appropriate ways to handle them.<br><br>
"Babies can be noisy sometimes, huh? Sometimes I have to cover my ears to think."<br>
"Wow, babies can make smelly poop sometimes......"<br>
"It's frustrating not to get to sit on mommy's lap when your baby is nursing, huh? Come sit next to Mommy and I'll read to you...."<br><br>
Stuff like that.<br><br>
The two are now practically inseperable. The youngest will do ANYTHING (well, will try it anyway) that the older one does). She'll die young, or grow up tough!

 

[4boysmom]

Gosh, I don't know. It just sorta happens. You try to do fun stuff with the older one while baby is napping. Make a big deal out of the fact that older brother can do whatever but baby is too little.<br><br>
Our guys are all two years apart. We thought that the oldest was being a great big brother. Every time #2 would cry, #1 would give him his binky. Then we figured out #2 was crying because #1 smacked him.<br><br>
Going from 2 to 3 is easy. And from 3 to 4 in a sinch! Dealing with said off spring now that they're teens is a whole 'nother story!!!

 

[pace2race]

No matter how far apart in age you space them, they will still fight with each other.

 

[Mrtambalynman]

I have nothing either except this - two is waaaaaaay easier than one and twins. Just think of how badly we're effing up our eldest.

 

[jebba]

I agree with talking abput the baby as "your baby" to the older sibling. Also, having a conversation with #1 while nursing, or reading a book to #1 while nursing helps here. Miss S once said she wanted Easy to go bye bye, but has been pretty good, all things considered, since.

 

[Diane95]

9.5 has been positively wonderful with 9.5.1 for 5 whole months now.<br><br>
I'm quite sure we had absolutely nothing to do with it.<br><br>
So I got nothin'. <i>And I'm knocking on wood right now.</i>

 

[Arrojo]

The amount of work with two young ones is not twice as much. Instead, the work rises exponentially. The work necessary for each child augments each other child. For example, explaining to 4 year old that you can't make time for him because you are feeding baby, leads 4-year old to knock over 2nd bottle of baby formula you were going to use and spills it all over the floor. Causing you to yell at 4-year old and stop feeding baby to clean up mess and get another bottle causing baby to start screaming. Now your first priority is the hungry baby, so you start to carry hungry baby into kitchen ('cause you can't just leave her there), but you accidentally trip over toy truck that toddler has left in the path. Instinct to protect baby at all costs as you plummet to the floor causes you to land back first with baby clutched to stomach. Luckily, your head landed in the spilled mushy baby milk formula, cushioning the head blow slightly. "Shit" you yell, as a reflex. 4-year old immediately mimics you, yelling "Shit!" Baby is crying even more furiously now. You crawl into the kitchen, grab the bottle from fridge, crawl back to baby to discover toddler has given baby a pile of rubber bands to play with and suck on.<br><br>
Etc

 

[QuixoticNotions]

Just hope your child doesn't do what my BIL's toddler did when his little sister was born-- stop talking, start wetting himself, and trying to pretend he was a baby <img alt="uhoh2.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/uhoh2.gif"> That was rough.

 

[dcoroner77]

My older niece likes to see if our younger niece's arms are detachable. She really liked to do it right after she was born. The younger niece did not appreciate this.

 

[clb]

Hey I was in that movie!<br><br>
It turned out swell...eventually.

 

[duckgeek]

It really hasn't been an issue in our house. Couldn't really tell you why. Just normal sibling fighting over who had something first. Our oldest does have to be reminded that the middle kid is only 3 sometimes and that she can't expect him to be logical and that everything she does to/with him is a learning experience. I think she's catching on that the nicer she is to him the nicer he is to his little sister.

 

[luckylily]

My older sister used to tell my mom to "make those babies go away" whenever we'd start crying. <img alt="sad.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/sad.gif"><br><br>
She still hasn't forgiven my mom.

 

[refinnej10]

From this I gather that the main difference between having one and having two is that when you have two, you have someone else to blame for the spilled milk. <img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif">