Runners Forum - Kick Runners banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
432 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p><span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
<p><span lang="en">A preposterous plot on a par with Cruise’s “Day and Night”, but with better acting. Tom Cruise didn’t muss a hair during his acrobatic fights, but Angelie Jolie grimaced and grunted and groaned and ended up bruised and bloodied. Some of the plot twists were telegraphed and the action sequences are over the top, but the movie succeeds in being what it wants to be: a good versus evil action adventure thriller. A story about sleeper spies and countries exchanging captured spies is all make believe, except it really happened a couple of weeks ago, though the Russian spies that were caught were bumbling spies and not super spies. I wonder if the director had a friend at the FBI and asked him if he could help ticket sales by arresting some Russian sleeper spies a couple of weeks before the movie opened. A better than average entry into the spy movie genre. I give it 7 stars out of 10</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">Warning Spoilers,</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en">.</span></p>
<p><span lang="en"> </span></p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super spy wasn’t quite super enough to not get captured by the North Koreans which was bad news because the North Koreans didn’t believe the lies she told while being tortured and the US had disowned her and nobody was going to come rescue her until the German spider expert boyfriend arranged a prisoner swap whereupon he found out she was a CIA spy and they got married.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, two years go by and the petite super spy has decided to take a desk job to celebrate her wedding anniversary and the world is good except then a Russian spy walks into the impenetrable CIA secret headquarters and asked if he could spill his guts before he dies and since she has 20 minutes to spare she tells her partner sure she will do it.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the Russian spy tells the petite super spy that he is dying of cancer and wants to clear his conscious about a super secret Russian plan that has been running for 50 years where they have been killing US citizens overseas and replacing them with sleeper spies like Lee Harvey Oswald who would take their place and lead normal lives until called upon to unleash their diabolically evil plan against the US and the mamby-pamby Russian leadership and oh by the way they are going to launch their diabolically evil plan tomorrow by killing the Russian president and the secret Russian agent who is going to do it is named Evelyn Salt and since the petite super spy is named Evelyn Salt that means she is a petite Russian super sleeper spy.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the US counter intelligence officer who happened to be sitting in on the questioning says oh, Evelyn, could I have a word with you, and the petite super spy says ok but please send somebody to protect my husband and the officer says sure and while she is waiting in the interrogation room to have a word with him her partner tries to tell the officer that the petite super spy can’t be a petite Russian super spy but then the dying Russian spy turns out to not be dying and decides it’s time to leave and escapes with unlikely ease from the impenetrable CIA headquarters.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super spy decides that maybe she should not be their anymore and she escapes with unlikely ease to the second floor but gets trapped until she builds a bazooka out of a fire extinguisher and a table leg with unlikely ease and evades the strike team and then escapes from the impenetrable CIA headquarters with unlikely ease and goes home to try and find her husband and lucky for her the CIA team looking for her husband never thought of looking for him at home and then she notices the chair is tipped over and the sandwich is only half eaten so he has been taken by somebody so she grabs her weekend excursion bag which has cash, guns, ammo, disguises and she throws in the ankle biting dog and her husband’s lucky spider and gets out the window just as the CIA hit team crashes through the front door.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super spy drops the dog off with the neighbor girl and starts walking down the street where her partner and the counter intelligence officer happen to see her and after an exciting and unlikely chase she is cornered by a dozen agents until she jumps off the overpass onto a zooming semi below and a bullet only grazes her then she jumps on a couple of other semis and then commandeers a motorcycle and escapes with unlikely ease.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super spy hides in the bathroom of a dance club, kicks the Kotex dispenser off the wall and uses a feminine napkin to stop the bleeding that feminine napkins aren’t usually used to stop, steals another girl’s coat, gets a hotel room, dyes her hair, downloads blueprints for the subway system, loads her guns, and fills a syringe with something from the spiders butt and off she goes to see the Russian president.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, The Russian president is at the funeral of the US vice president which is in a really big cathedral which sits above really big catacomb system which is next to the subway system and the petite super spy gets by the subway guards with unlikely ease and then gets by the catacomb guards with unlikely ease then locates the spot where the Russian president is standing and blows a hole causing him to fall down and the counter intelligence officer finds her standing over his apparently lifeless body and capture her with unlikely ease and her partner says she did a bad thing and is in trouble.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, after the petite super spy is handcuffed and put in the backseat of a police SUV with three burley guards and two escort cars she takes out the burly guards with unlikely ease, then takes out the escort cars with unlikely ease and then crashes the SUV off the overpass and walks away with unlikely ease and goes and meets the dying Russian spy who wasn’t dying and a dozen other Russian super sleeper spy guys and it turns out she is a petite Russian super sleeper spy who was planted in the US decades ago and is now carrying out her orders and the dying Russian spy who wasn’t dying was in fact the Head Honcho and he outed her to the CIA to test her and see if she is still loyal and she passed with flying colors and since she doesn’t need a husband for cover anymore they shoot him dead in front of her and she doesn’t flinch and everybody welcomes her home with some Vodka.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the Head Honcho tells the petite super spy that her next mission is to go somewhere and meet someone and so she kills the Head Honcho with unlikely ease and uses a gun and some grenades to kill the other Russian super sleeper spies with unlikely ease and goes and meets another Russian super sleeper spy guy who has ended up as NATO liaison to the White House and they get into the White House and the Russian super sleeper spy guy blows himself up in a deliberately failed attempt to kill the US president so that the president would be taken down and locked into the command bunker with his guards and staff which includes the petite super spy’s partner and then the petite super spy is able to get into the secure elevator shaft with unlikely ease and able to get down to the bunker level with unlikely ease and take out the bunker guards with unlikely ease but is stopped by the bunker door.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, inside the command bunker the president is given a report that the Russians are fueling their missiles and maybe the US should ready theirs so he puts in the launch codes to get them ready then the cameras show the petite super spy taking out all the guards and his guards decide they should get their guns ready and the petite super spy’s partner goes and gets the guns and kills everybody except the president with unlikely ease and it turns out that he is a Russian super sleeper spy who wants to launch US nuclear missiles at Tehran and Mecca to anger a billion Muslims to start a war which will bring the US to its knees.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super secret spy and the Russian super sleeper spy guy look at each other through the bullet proof glass and she says oh, dearest, I wish I had known you were one of us and he says yes I wish I could have told you and gotten in your pants but then you married the German spider expert and things didn’t work out and I’m glad you were loyal and fulfilled your mission to kill the Russian president and she said thank you dearest I would really like to be by your side when our evil plan succeeds and he says well, ok, I guess I can let you in but then a news flash comes on the TV and says the Russian president was not killed but had only been paralyzed with spider venom and is alive and apparently unharmed by his 20 foot fall through the collapsing ceiling and the Russian super sleeper spy guy looks unhappy and the petite super spy looks unhappy.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">So, anyway, the petite super spy realizes the Russian super sleeper spy guy isn’t going to let her in to cuddle so she empties a couple of clips at the bullet proof glass but it really is bullet proof, but the concrete behind the interior bunker door controls isn’t and she shoots away the concrete and gets to the bunker door controls and opens the bunker doors and rushes in and the super spies shoot at each other from point blank range and miss and then they get into on unlikely acrobat fight and finally she is able to pull the plug on the launch computer just as the other guards rush in capture her and put her in handcuffs but on the way out she is able to get a hold of the Russian super sleeper spy guy and use the handcuffs to break his neck and later in the helicopter she tells the counter intelligence officer that there are more Russian sleepers and he should let her go so she can hunt them down so he does and she jumps out of the helicopter, lands in the river, swims to shore, evades the other helicopters and is last seen running into the woods to a place that will be explained in the next movie.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><span lang="en">A preposterous plot on a par with Cruise’s “Day and Night”, but with better acting. Tom Cruise didn’t muss a hair during his acrobatic fights, but Angelie Jolie grimaced and grunted and groaned and ended up bruised and bloodied. Some of the plot twists were telegraphed and the action sequences are over the top, but the movie succeeds in being what it wants to be: a good versus evil action adventure thriller. A story about sleeper spies and countries exchanging captured spies is all make believe, except it really happened a couple of weeks ago, though the Russian spies that were caught were bumbling spies and not super spies. I wonder if the director had a friend at the FBI and asked him if he could help ticket sales by arresting some Russian sleeper spies a couple of weeks before the movie opened. A better than average entry into the spy movie genre. I give it 7 stars out of 10.</span></p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,434 Posts
<p>Dude!</p>
<p>I wanna be her when I grow up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/sad5.gif" style="width:17px;height:16px;" title=""></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top