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A number of years ago, I had reached a point in my life that I had never experienced before?nor would I want to again. Unaware at the time that I was experiencing depression, I was lost in a sea of pain and questioning. Anyone who has experienced depression will fully appreciate the seemingly never ending darkness and the anxiety that accompanies it. What pushed me into depression was a series of events that left me pondering my direction in life. Daily routines were a struggle?getting out of bed?eating?little decisions were torturous. In short, life was a struggle.<br><br>
I would go to work but would only go through the motions. Doing just enough to get by without questions or raised eyebrows from my supervisors. I would get my work done quickly so that I could hide from the rest of the world. Nothing I did seemed to ease the pain I was going through.<br><br>
One evening I was monitoring crowds during a local event. Standing outside the gate to this event, was a police officer keeping an eye on the crowds too and to ensure the rowdies didn?t get too rowdy. We started talking about the people that were coming and going and other things. Somehow the conversation turned to faith and the officer asked if I was a ?Man of Faith?. I said that I didn?t really know. Coming from a non-religious background, I didn?t think too much about Faith. My father was anti-religion as were my brothers and sister. I had never considered myself as having Faith one way or the other.<br><br>
I shook his hand as I was leaving but a flash of light caught something on his collar that I hadn?t noticed before in the darkness. It flashed again as he moved and this time I could see that it was a tiny cross. There was another tiny cross on his other collar. I inquired about them and he smiled and told me that he was the police Chaplain. I didn?t think too much of it then and I said good-bye and climbed back into my van to face another night of loneliness and pain.<br><br>
A little while later I started thinking about the conversation that transpired between the police officer and myself. For some reason it weighed heavily on my mind. I reached over and tuned the radio to the local Christian radio station. I had never listened to it before but for some reason, I felt the need to that night. On the air was a man delivering a sermon. I drove and listened as he spoke. I remember feeling numb as he spoke? what he was saying seemed to be directed to me. It couldn?t have been more tailored to fit what I was going through. It pierced the darkness and struck my heart. My eyes burned as tears streamed down my face. I had to pull over or I would have surely been in an accident. I just sat at the side of the road and listened as this man spoke to me as if he could see in to my soul. The program ended and another started. I sat thinking about the words I had just heard and how it had effected me. The program that was now on had a different topic. This sermon too seemed to have my name on it. I cried tears that I didn?t think were possible. I knew then what I had to do.<br><br>
I prayed.<br><br>
I prayed for strength, understanding and forgiveness.<br><br>
I prayed with all my soul.<br><br>
And then it happened?like a curtain, the darkness and pain lifted from my chest. At that instant, I felt a light rekindle within me. I felt the catacombs of despair melt away as I prayed to God.<br><br>
The months of depression were washed away that evening when I surrendered myself. I was tired and felt I had nothing to lose. I didn?t feel weak for ?giving in? and praying, It felt right to take that leap and let go of the power that I was struggling to hold on to.<br><br>
God had a way of getting my attention that evening, and I?m glad I listened. It was a painful, but effective way all the same.<br><br>
A short time ago my wife and I arranged to meet the police officer I spoke with on the fateful evening. Over coffee I told him my story and how instrumental he was. He couldn?t recall that evening but was very thankful that I shared my story with him. He had tears in his eyes as he reached across the table and shook my hand and thanked me. I told him that I was the thankful one. I was thankful that he was there that evening that I needed him and that he was the light in my darkness?and I told him that I was thankful for the flash of little crosses in the dark.
 

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torque, what I think that many of the anti-religion people out there don't understand or get is how much comfort religion brings to so many. Your e-mail is testimony to that. Peace, brother.
 

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Great story torque, and for your sake I'm glad you found something to end your depression. And that from someone who is anti-religion (but tolerant of those who do believe).
 

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<img alt="icon_flower.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/icon_flower.gif"> that meant a lot to me. Today of all days.<br><br>
Thanks
 

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That was very touching, torque. Thank you for sharing. <img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/smile.gif">
 

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What is to give light must endure burning.<br>
Viktor Frankl<br><br>
Thank you Torque.
 

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Thank you for sharing that Torque. Faith, in all forms, is magical, profound, and amazingly powerful. I am glad that you were touched by that, and how very cool that you were able to find your angel to thank him. How many times do angels pop into our lives and we don't have a way to tell them later how much their seemingly small act meant to us. Very cool.
 
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