job stress + interpersonal stress

jebba · Aug 30, 2011

Back in April, I wrote about how my job share partner didn't seem to be working out. (We are both part time and overlap by one half day). Well, this past week, she made a couple of mistakes that would have been only kinda bad in isolation, but were the final straw. One of the mistakes could only have been found out by me. So I snitched on her, essentially. It was an example of bad judgment that could have potentially hurt a client.
 
Anyway, our immediate supervisor and the big boss met with her yesterday afternoon. It became obvious that I have snitched on her as to the one mistake. Apparently she denied it, then gave a convoluted explanation for why it happened. My supervisor called to let me know the meeting did not go well. She cried alot and lashed out at alot of people, including me. My supervisor said that she also accused me of doing alot of wrong things. I asked him what they were, and he said it doesn't matter, because they are not true. 
 
So, now I have to face this person on Wednesday when I go back to work, and she will know that I snitched on her. She might not know that I know of her accusations. I am trying not to flip out or worry about what she said. But I can't help but feel paranoid that either I have done something wrong that's worthy of accusation--something I am clueless about--, or that she's willing to make shit up to try to deflect blame from herself.
 
We share an office and a phone line, and are supposed to remain in close contact to share this job. I have a stomache ache.

4boysmom · Aug 30, 2011

Aw jebba...... The problem is you care too much--your clients and co-workers. You didn't snitch to get her in trouble, you snitched because you want the best for the client. Yah, going into work tomorrow is gonna suck. Hang in there.

wherestheportojohn · Aug 30, 2011

{{jebba]}
 
sounds like this is HER problem, not yours (and your supervisor knows that you are not at fault) even though your head 'n' tummy say otherwise
 
if she bitches in your face and lays blame on you, I know you'll be a professional about it with your response
 
don't get defensive or lay blame back at her
 
....let her rant...she may be like this outside of work as well (blaming others, not taking responsibility~~> "poor poor pitiful me")
 
good luck ♥

Grizzly · Aug 30, 2011

I have started and restarted this replay a dozen times. In thinking about your situation I know that it would cause ME great stress because I don't like confrontation, I don't like to hurt anyone and I certainly don't like being hurt. 
 
I've played countless scenarios out in my mind how the colleague might react, what he/she might throw into your face. It ain't pretty. I think, ultimately, that the only way forward is to take the initiative and call it right away.
 
"X, I noticed that you did (whatever the mistake was) on this case. I know it was a mistake, but it could have had serious consequences (name them). If he/she interrupts, tell them that you need to be heard, and continue. I did (whatever corrective action you took on the case), and I also told (superior's name). I would have spoken with you about it if it were something of less import, but this needed dealing with immediately."
 
That's it. That's all.
 
Don't back down. Don't apologize for doing what is right.

airehead · Aug 30, 2011

Thank you for standing up for your clients. In your line of work, that's not always the case.
 
They need someone like you who crosses the Ts and dots the i every time. 
 
In your line of work, those things could actually and very literally have
serious consequences.

jebba · Aug 30, 2011

Thanks, guys. I've come to agree with the idea that incompetent people are often unaware of their incompetence. Although, as far as I am aware, *I* am perfectly competent. Hmm.

Grizzly · Aug 31, 2011

?

Floridaboiler · Sep 1, 2011

I hope today went okay.

Mrtambalynman · Sep 1, 2011

1
 
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Floridaboiler <a href="/t/75029/job-stress-interpersonal-stress#post_2011945"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> I hope today went okay.
</div>
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willrun4chocolate · Sep 2, 2011

Also hoping for an update!

4boysmom · Sep 2, 2011

uh oh... Fearing that things went poorly. Very poorly. jebba??????????????

wherestheportojohn · Sep 2, 2011

Jebba?

Floridaboiler · Sep 2, 2011

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by wherestheportojohn <a href="/t/75029/job-stress-interpersonal-stress#post_2012131"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> 
Jebba? 
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</div>
 I wonder if her head exploded like Calvin's did the other day?! <img alt="biggrin.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_0_10_1314978225097_13" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;">

Grizzly · Sep 2, 2011

?
?

jebba · Sep 2, 2011

Sorry! Sorry! She and I spoke onthe phone for about an hour. I ashamedly confess to downplaying my role in the snitching. I told her, truthfully, that I hadn't intended to get her in trouble, and that I had brought it up as an example to our supervisor about how co-worker may need guidance about prioritizing work.
 
For her part, she told me that she'd gotten upset and may have been a bit irrational in her self-defense. She mostly wanted to talk to me about how unfairly she felt she'd been treated by the supervisor and the big boss. It seems clear to me that she feels she is doing her best and feels that they are picking on her. She feels that yes, she's made some mistakes, but everybody makes mistakes, and they don't seem to appreciate how hard she is working and how much she brings to the office.
 
She also, to my surprise, said that she absolutely loves this job and intends to continue working here for the long term, unless and until they actually fire her. I would have thought her unpleasant experience would lead her to look for another job. Her family situation is such that she doesn't need the money this part time job provides her, so I was surprised she wants to stick it out.
 
I made it clear to her that since she and I will likely continue this job share into the future, we need to feel comfortable being open with each other if we feel something is not right. We both agreed to keep the door of communication open without fear of hurting each other's feelings or creating relationship problems.
 
Sooo...it's smothed over for the moment. It's hard to figure out what the problem is with her. It's not lack of dedication. It's not lack of brains. It's not even lack of knowledge about the process. It's a complete lack of judgment about what is important and what isn't. To her, completing her paperwork is equally important to getting someone out of jail who is being held illegally. Or helping someone get a 10 year old charge expunged from their record is just as urgent as getting the judge to remove an outstanding arrest warrant. I don't know how to teach that. I did not think that I needed to write down, "making sure people who are in jail get out, and people who are out of jail stay out is more important than paperwork." But maybe I do.
 
We'll see. I think she'll be more careful in the future. I hope it's enough.

Grizzly · Sep 2, 2011

Thanks for the update. If you peruse the daily threads you'll see that more than a few of us were curious!

merigayle · Sep 2, 2011

hope things continue to improve with her!

Floridaboiler · Sep 3, 2011

I am glad to hear it wasnt as bad as you feared.
 
Good Luck.

wherestheportojohn · Sep 3, 2011

I'm glad you were able to communicate. Hopefully, the lines will be kept open and positive. 
And good luck working towards helping her to find a balance with the paperwork vs client issues.

job stress + interpersonal stress

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