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Emailed to me by my step father:<br><br><i>Italian Arithmetic<br><br><br>
An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.<br>
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."<br><br>
"Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.<br><br>
"What's this?" the boss asks.<br><br>
"Ave you gota no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine," says the Italian.<br><br>
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."<br><br>
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . "Ere you go."<br><br>
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"<br><br>
"Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99."<br><br>
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question.<br>
Same rules again, but represent the number 100."<br><br>
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base<br>
of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."<br><br>
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"<br><br>
(You're going to love this one!!!)<br><br>
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says,<br>
"A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd,<br>
dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start?</i>

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I think I'm offended...<br><br><img alt="wink.gif" src="">

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They're not called Paddy Wagons for nothing. <img alt="smile.gif" src="">

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I like Juliette!! <img alt="cool.gif" src="">

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Two boys are playing football in the Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler.<br><br>
Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.<br><br>
A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.<br><br>
"Forty Niners fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.<br><br>
"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replies.<br><br>
"Oakland Raiders fan rescues friend from horrific attack," says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.<br><br>
"I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy says.<br><br>
"Then what are you?" the reporter asks.<br><br>
"I'm a Cowboys fan!" the boy says proudly.<br><br>
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "******* bastard kills family pet!"

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I have a similar one<br><br><i>An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple arithmetic test.<br>
Here is your first question,the foreman asked "Without using numbers,how would you represent the number 9"?<br>
"Without numbers?" the Irishman says "Dat is easy," and he proceeded to draw three trees.<br>
"Whats this?" the foreman asked.<br>
"'Ave you got no brain?" the Irishman asked."Tree and tree and tree make nine" said paddy.<br>
"Fair enough" said the foreman,"Here's your second question.Use the same rules but this time the number is 99"<br>
Paddy stared into space for a few seconds,then picked up the picture he'd just drawn and made a smudge on each tree."'Ere you go." he said.<br>
The foreman scratched his head and said,"How on earth do you get that to represent the number 99?"<br>
Paddy replied,"Each of da trees is dirty now.So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree.Dat is 99"<br>
The foreman now began to worry that he'd maybe have to employ the Irishman,so he said,"Alright,last question.Same rules apply,but represent the number 100."<br>
Paddy stared into space once more,then he picked up the picture again and made a little brown mark at the base of each tree and said,"'Ere you go_One hundred."<br>
The foreman looked at the attempt, and said "You must be nuts if you think this represents a hundred."<br>
Paddy leaned forward and pointed to the base of each tree and said,"A little dog came along and poohed by each tree.So now you've got dirty tree and a turd,dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd,which makes one hundred."<br>
"So, when do I start?"<br><br><img alt="" src="" style="border:0px solid;"><br></i>
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