I am still alive

Silly Sally · Nov 29, 2011

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone. I haven't been on KR much but still hold all of you dear to my heart. Honestly, I've been keeping more so in touch with several of you on Facebook, so if you haven't added me yet, please feel free to do so.
 
It's been an extremely difficult year and my son Gustav's death anniversary just passed by last Sat. Thanks to all those who have given their love and support throughout the year, it is helped tremendously.
 
Been busy trying to cope with enormous loss and change as well as being productive and finding work. So much on my plate and I'm feeling exhausted. I'm signed up for an Ironman next August but am barely getting in even one jog a week, no swims, no trainer. Lack motivation, lack any desire to get off my butt.
 
Need some hugs please or maybe someone to strap me onto his/her back so I "feel" like I'm training ...
 
Thanks,
Sally

cak73 · Nov 29, 2011

Hi, Bonnie!
 
{{{hugs}}}
 
...perhaps check out the "Sparty On" Resolution thread...
 
 
p.s. OMG! the HILLS!!!

juliemboyle · Nov 29, 2011

((((((((((hugs))))))))) and who says you need to do an IM anyway? If you aren't feeling it, just do what feels good like your dancing contests <img alt="biggrin.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_7_1322587422300_157" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;">

Thor · Nov 29, 2011

Bonnie, you know you have us to lean on. Keep leaning. Please. We love you too much to not be there in the ways that we can.
 
Sparty On! (If you're not sure what this means, go seek out Sparty's "fcuk you 2011" thread... I promise, you will get your Sparty On! too!

Thor · Nov 29, 2011

And hey, while you're at it, you should join us for the Holiday Mile-A-Day Challenge. It would be a GREAT way to give back to yourself for all you have given to others as well as grief. In short, run a mile-a-day (or more if you want; but one will do) each and every day from here until New Years. You'll have 20+ others joining you.

AdCo · Nov 29, 2011

Just to clarify, that's 1.6K for you Sally

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Thor <a href="/t/75811/i-am-still-alive#post_2021120"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> And hey, while you're at it, you should join us for the Holiday Mile-A-Day Challenge. It would be a GREAT way to give back to yourself for all you have given to others as well as grief. In short, run a mile-a-day (or more if you want; but one will do) each and every day from here until New Years. You'll have 20+ others joining you.
</div>
</div>

SpartyGirl · Nov 29, 2011

Oh Silly, we'll carry you on our backs whenever you need! Grief is a heavy burden to bear and if any of us can ease that load for you we will...take a few minutes to be present, be in the here and now - take in your surroundings and enjoy the smallest of things. Happier times are ahead.

Yo Sake · Nov 30, 2011

{{{{{{{Bonnie}}}}}}}}}} 
You don't have to prove anything to anybody, just be honest and kind to yourself please. Follow your heart. If you want to run and swim, I will carry you on my back.

jenotter · Nov 30, 2011

Hang in there SS!!!! Your LIT friends are here for you!!!

TriAndStopMe · Nov 30, 2011

Just like Ironman, one step at a time is the only way through this. Lean away. It's hard to fall when you're deep in the middle of a group hug.

pcsronbo · Nov 30, 2011

HUGS!

mrscoby78 · Nov 30, 2011

<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/3900532/tumblr_l8poo6cfbr1qctznjo1_400_thumb.png" target="_blank">http://data.whicdn.com/images/3900532/tumblr_l8poo6cfbr1qctznjo1_400_thumb.png</a>
 
Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming...

Silly Sally · Dec 2, 2011

Today, at one of my jobs, I had to role-play an ambulance technician in a medical emergency simulation, a catastrophic situation. Earthquake and devastation in Montreal where a ferris wheel collapsed at an amusement park. 
 
Another technician and I had to bring in a little boy (lifelike mannequin) on a stretcher who had been trapped under heavy machinery. We suspected a broken pelvis. His BP had dropped and he had lost peripheral pulse before arrival at the hospital so we administered CPR. We wheeled him into "triage at the hospital" where they tagged his body. He was coded BLACK and I was asked to stop bagging him (trying to resuscitate him). He was dead. I had to repeat this exercise 8 times for all the groups of students.
 
My ambulance partner and I had not been told that the boy would die, and it hit us like a shock the first rep of this exercise as we'd thought that we were bringing him in to be saved. But as actors, we could not show our personal feelings. Worse though, with each new group of students, I had to re-live over and over again the fact that ambulance technicians and doctors had tried to revive my son for 45 minutes, and one of the technicians had probably done to Gustav what I was doing to that "little boy", trying futilely to resuscitate him.
 
Sorry if this is too much information, but it's been an extremely hard day. And that was only the morning ... the day only got more difficult ... lawyers, social workers, T-man fighting again with me ...
 
I'm so exhausted ... thanks everyone for your support, it means so much to me. So wish I had someone here in Montreal to come take care of me, hold me, and tell me that things will get better ...wish someone else could be the strong one for me...

hobey · Dec 2, 2011

OMG, I'm sorry you had to go through that. HUGS.

radial · Dec 2, 2011

I'm sorry, what a horrible experience! Bad enough that you had to go through that exercise even once, but eight more reps? It sounds like a desensitization therapy session designed by the devil. Hugs to you and hopes for a better day.

Silly Sally · Dec 2, 2011

Thanks everyone ... going to try to muster up some energy to go out for a short run. I'm still in pyjamas and loving the fact that I have no running around to do today and can take the time to catch-up on paperwork, etc.

I am still alive

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