[jebba]

<p>You all know that my first grader Miss Sunshine is a chatty, strong willed kid.  This year in school, the kids bring home a behavior chart for each day.  A kid can get either E (excellent), S (satisfactory), N (not acceptable) and U (unsatisfactory).  If you get 4 Es and only one S for the week, you can go to "lunch bunch," which is lunch with the teacher on Friday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soli has yet to get to do lunch bunch, because she can't get 4 E's and only one S.  She and 2 or 3 other kids never get lunch bunch.  All the other kids manage to do it.  Her typical pattern is to do well most days (Es), and then have a bad day where she gets an N.  The N is almost always for excessive talking, but sometimes <em>also</em> for not following directions or for arguing with the teacher.  Usually it revolves around the teacher wanting her to do something, and Miss S wanting to do it in a different way or do something else first, or whatever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm just not sure how to handle it.  We talk about it after school, and she doesn't get dessert on N days.  Usually she has some lame reason why it was an accident she got an N.  So we're trying to work on taking responsibility for her wrong choices. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's generally not trying to be a bad kid.  I love her bright and opinionated spirit.  But I also want her to be respectful of her teacher and her classmates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How would you handle it?</p>

 

[ym]

<p>I would say try MORE positive reinforcement.  Perhaps Lunch Bunch isn't enough of an incentive for her so if she can garner a Lunch Bunch spot, she gets some kind of reward at home too. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also, if you're noticing the pattern, can you have a little chat about classroom behavior on the mornings of the days she's most likely to slip up?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I agree that her bright and opinionated spirit shouldn't be quashed - just redirected until class is over! <img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif" title=""></p>

 

[jebba]

<p>Hmm, that's an idea.  The promise of a movie when she spent a whole month without sucking her thumb was pretty successful before she srtated kindergarten.  And another movie when she passed the swim test was a pretty good incentive for her to keep practicing.</p>

 

[merigayle]

<p>Is there something wrong with her behavior or does she just not fit the small mold made for "acceptable classroom behavior?"  I hope you can find a balance between her kick ass personality and how to restrain it in the classroom.</p>

 

[Mrtambalynman]

<p>what about meeting with Miss S and the teacher to get a better understanding of what dynamic is happening?</p>

 

[Grizzly]

<p>If I am right in what I think Merigayle is alluding to, maybe there isn't a problem. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's in Kindergarten fercryingoutloud. </p>

 

[merigayle]

<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Grizzly</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70221/help-me-help-my-kid#post_1947031"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>If I am right in what I think Merigayle is alluding to, maybe there isn't a problem. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's in Kindergarten fercryingoutloud. </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
hopefully y'all understand what I am trying to say! LOL.</p>

 

[Colby]

<p>And THIS is why I like our University Model School.  Ev only goes 2 days a week and I home school him on the other three.  He and Miss Sunshine seem a lot alike...he would totally fall to pieces in a traditional school setting...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>However, if it weren't available and I didn't want to home school, I'd reinforce that he must respect his teacher like he respects me at home.  In trouble at school is in trouble at home.  Rewarded at school  means rewarded at home, too.  I would not want to call in to question the teacher's authority...that would make everything worse...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So what I'm saying is that I have nothing to add to what's been said already!!  <img alt="" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies//biggrin.gif" title=""></p>

 

[rlemert]

<p>This sounds an awful lot like my son at that age. He wasn't mis-behaving, he just wasn't behaving like the teacher wanted him to. And if I remember correctly, the classroom incentives were never enough and any additional incentives we offered were only partially successful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>May I ask how old Miss Sunshine is in relation to her peers? My son's birthday is late Sept (coming up this week, in fact), and grade assignments here are based on your age sometime in early October. Thus, he's usually one of the youngest students in his class and always has been. That's not so much a problem now, but in first grade that's almost a 20% difference in age between the oldest and the youngest students. If she's one of the younger kids in her class, maybe what the teacher is seeing is the normal behavior you should expect for someone of Miss Sunshine's true age.</p>

 

[Mrtambalynman]

<p><br>
No I get it.  IMHO 4E's and one N is pretty good for a Kindergartener - particularly a strong willed one.<br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Grizzly</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70221/help-me-help-my-kid#post_1947031"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>If I am right in what I think Merigayle is alluding to, maybe there isn't a problem. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's in Kindergarten fercryingoutloud. </p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br>

 

[jcumming]

<p>As a Principal the number of times I heard "My son, Little Billy isn't misbehaving. His creative juices just lead him to dance on the desks during Math." was mind numbing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yes ma'am, although we do have 800 kids in this school they are of really no importance. We just want Little Billy to be self-fulfilled"  " class="bbcode_smiley" height="1" src="<a href="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies//biggrin.gif">http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies//biggrin.gif</a>" title="<img alt="" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies//biggrin.gif" title="">" width="1" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p>There are times when kids get to dance their brains out in creativity, but there are times to sit down STFU and liisten to the teacher.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Some kids, and lots of adults have trouble with that concept.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Looking for small gains is essential as well as letting kids know they aren't committing murder so the penalty should be minimal...or better still, not getting a bonus...like lunch bunch.</p>

 

[jebba]

<p>She's in 1st grade.  But yeah, her birthday is in July, so she's definitely one of the youngest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One "argument" the teacher told me about* was when Miss S wanted to use the bathroom.  There's one attached to the classroom, and someone was in it.  The teacher told her it would only be a minute to wait.  Miss S wanted to go use the one in the hall.  Teacher told her that she just needed to wait.  Miss S argued that she wasn't going to get in trouble, that it was faster to go use the one in the hall, etc., and got huffy when the teacher told her no.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*I should emphasize that her teacher is quite nice and describes Miss S as very sweet.  She told me about the bathroom argument because she didn't want me thinking it was a bigger deal than it was.</p>
<p> </p>

 

[jebba]

<p>Yeah, that's the thing, JC.  Our school places much emphasis on the "Three R's": be responsible, be respectful, do the right thing.  When she argues with the teacher or talks too much, it's not being respectful to the other kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I told her it's a little bit like being in front of a judge.  It's totally okay to think the judge is wrong about something, but not okay to argue about it.  B/c the judge is the boss, whether we like it or not.</p>

 

[torque]

<p>I think I like little Miss S!  I have one just like her.<img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif" title=""></p>

 

[jcumming]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jebba</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70221/help-me-help-my-kid#post_1947054"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Yeah, that's the thing, JC.  Our school places much emphasis on the "Three R's": be responsible, be respectful, do the right thing.  When she argues with the teacher or talks too much, it's not being respectful to the other kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I told her it's a little bit like being in front of a judge.  It's totally okay to think the judge is wrong about something, but not okay to argue about it.  B/c the judge is the boss, whether we like it or not.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br><br>
 </p>
<p>However, it's good to make her aware that she should be able to debate and discuss with the teacher as long as it is at an appropriate time. That's a tough one for kids...and adults.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I always used to have kids discuss with me the Responsibilty R when they wanted to discuss the Right R. She has a RESPONSIBILITY to not take learning time away from every other kid in the class.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Easy stuff for 6 year olds. <img alt="" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies//biggrin.gif" title=""></p>

 

[mrscoby78]

<p>Jebba, it makes me smile that you want S to accept responsibility for her actions.  So many paretns don't.  <img alt="" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/roll_eyes.gif" style="width:15px;height:15px;" title=""></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Is there an exercise she can practice, like taking a deep breath and counting to 5 when she feels the need to argue?  Would it help her to say "(insert teacher name here) I don't agree with you, but I will do what you ask."  That way, maybe she feels like she's making herself heard, but she's still being respectful?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I dunno...just brainstorming.</p>