gloom, despair and agony on me ...

SportiGrl · Dec 6, 2010

<a href="http://www.televisiontunes.com/Hee_Haw_-_Gloom_Despair_and_Agony_On_Me.html" target="_blank">http://www.televisiontunes.com/Hee_Haw_-_Gloom_Despair_and_Agony_On_Me.html</a> 
 
 
making lemonade is seeming like a full-time pursuit for me lately ... or more precisely, for my loved ones ...
 
 
found out this week that MIL's breast cancer is the triple negative variety and what we hoped was a successful surgery and probable end to the most scary was far from it ...
 
 
mom's meet and greet with the oncologist post-surgery is tomorrow and I don't have high hopes for it either as she still has cancer in her abdomen post-surgery and the spots on her liver will require nearly 2/3 of her current liver mass to be removed ... squamous cell cancer that seeps, like dad's 2 years ago ... and her rheumatiod arthritis has her in misery and not thinking any fight will be worth the cost ..
 
 
not looking forward to a very real possible future involving both moms on Hospice and slowly/torturously dying ... been there, done that, with 2 grands and dad ...
 
 
daughter is still w/o a job and thinking of putting college off due to bills and not wanting me to keep working so hard to help her till she can get back on her feet ... w/o a good job her chances of having insurance are slim to none and without insurance her chance at life are not too hopeful ...
 
 
my jobs currently take up so much time and energy I can't keep up with basics in life, let alone help with moms or spend enough time with kids to let them know how I feel ... and I have NO TIME for running anymore ...
 
 
life isn't very fun right now.
 
 
but ... the snow today made me smile ... so that's good!

I'm trying really hard to just focus on things I can control and just take pleasures in the little things ...

ToddEP · Dec 6, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by SportiGrl <a href="/forum/thread/71510/gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me#post_1967438"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> <a href="http://www.televisiontunes.com/Hee_Haw_-_Gloom_Despair_and_Agony_On_Me.html" target="_blank">http://www.televisiontunes.com/Hee_Haw_-_Gloom_Despair_and_Agony_On_Me.html</a> 
 
 
making lemonade is seeming like a full-time pursuit for me lately ... or more precisely, for my loved ones ...
 
 
found out this week that MIL's breast cancer is the triple negative variety and what we hoped was a successful surgery and probable end to the most scary was far from it ...
 
 
mom's meet and greet with the oncologist post-surgery is tomorrow and I don't have high hopes for it either as she still has cancer in her abdomen post-surgery and the spots on her liver will require nearly 2/3 of her current liver mass to be removed ... squamous cell cancer that seeps, like dad's 2 years ago ... and her rheumatiod arthritis has her in misery and not thinking any fight will be worth the cost ..
 
 
not looking forward to a very real possible future involving both moms on Hospice and slowly/torturously dying ... been there, done that, with 2 grands and dad ...
 
 
daughter is still w/o a job and thinking of putting college off due to bills and not wanting me to keep working so hard to help her till she can get back on her feet ... w/o a good job her chances of having insurance are slim to none and without insurance her chance at life are not too hopeful ...
 
 
my jobs currently take up so much time and energy I can't keep up with basics in life, let alone help with moms or spend enough time with kids to let them know how I feel ... and I have NO TIME for running anymore ...
 
 
life isn't very fun right now.
 
 
but ... the snow today made me smile ... so that's good!

I'm trying really hard to just focus on things I can control and just take pleasures in the little things ...
 
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<img alt="sad.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/sad.gif">
 
This all made me sad. I think Sporti needs a hug. {{{{Kim}}}
 
Hang in there. Visit us often, you know where to find me.

runfishhunt · Dec 6, 2010

Hang in there Sporti.

SportiGrl · Dec 6, 2010

thanks, guys ... just saying it 'out loud' on here helps ... and I feel bad for sounding like a gloomy gus, but I suppose I am right now ... I don't talk this candidly about it on FB cause I know some family and friends around there will see it and may make them feel worse and worry about ME and I am going to be fine and energies need to be focused on the moms, not me, by them ... I just need a release valve for all my worries ... thanks for listening ...
 
 
and the hug was nice too

I hope my choice of songs relayed my intent to not be so gloomy in spite of things ...

airehead · Dec 6, 2010

And here I have time on my hands and could be a help to you, but live too far away.
 
I pray for strength and encouragement for you. And blessings. More than you can
dream of.

jcumming · Dec 6, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by SportiGrl <a href="/forum/thread/71510/gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me#post_1967438"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> I'm trying really hard to just focus on things I can control and just take pleasures in the little things ...
 
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That has it nailed, and, of course is much easier said than done.
 
As Helen Keller (who had a few issues of her own) once said, "Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do."
Don't be trying to lift the burdens that just can't be lifted. Treat them gently and leave them be.
 
And no matter what...even for 20 minutes...get out and run. It's saved my life more than once.
 
Be well

SportiGrl · Dec 7, 2010

thanks airehead and JC ...
 
news from mom's oncologist was pretty horrible ... and I couldn't even be there but hubby went with her ... I didn't get home till 10:00 so can't even talk to her till tomorrow ... it's in her blood and they said chemo might buy her a few extra months but that it's 6-9 months w/o it ...
 
hubby got to see his mom today and she's scared but they plan to start chemo soon to try and nip any creeping cancer in the bud ...

bard73 · Dec 7, 2010

(((sporti)))

SportiGrl · Dec 7, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by bard73 <a href="/forum/thread/71510/gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me#post_1967729"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> (((sporti))) 
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thanks, Kris, for the hug ... the tension in my throat and holding my breath unintentionally is happening again ... I'll call mom before work tomorrow and hope to stop by and see her afterward ... I hate that my life has basically become reactionary and emergency-based.

muzicgrl · Dec 7, 2010

All my calming vibes are being sent your way.
 
Does your daughter realize that she can get health insurance through her college if she goes?

ToddEP · Dec 7, 2010

Kim, continued prays and vibes are coming your way.
 
Know that you have a whole network of friends here, rely on us, vent to us, cry on our shoulder.
 
My best,
 
Todd

Gingerbread · Dec 7, 2010

Aw, Kim.
 
I'm sorry to read how much you and your family are going through.
 
((((Kim))))

dg1 · Dec 7, 2010

{{Kim and Mike}}
 
I'm so sorry to hear about the rough patch you and your loved ones are enduring. You have a great attitude though and that will see you through. Hang in there Sporti and remember that there are people out there that love and support you.
 
Dave

Ileneforward · Dec 7, 2010

{{{{Sportigrl and her loved ones}}}}}

hally · Dec 8, 2010

{{{{{Kim}}}}} sorry you and your loved ones are having to deal with this. Chin up

SportiGrl · Dec 8, 2010

muzic, daughter has insurance now and unless/till the GOP rescinds the healthcare plan she'll have it even w/o college for awhile .. my comment was more about if she doesn't stick with college and get that education her chances of eventually landing a job with insurance benefits is pretty low ... and that's not a good option for a person with her health issues ...
 
 
Mom is handling things well ... I'm doing mostly alright ... instead of focusing on how sucktastic it is that this is likely our last Christmas with mom I'm focusing on how good it is that she's healthy and here ... dad didn't make it to Christmas like we'd all hoped when he was sick ... and she's not in a bad place right now, compared to the misery of the past year or so, so that's good too ... we're going to try and do things we can while we can and enjoy the holidays as much as possible. I'm taking Friday off work and if she's up for it daughter and I are taking her Christmas shopping

thanks GB,DG, Ilene and hally ... I hope you are all well and getting ready to enjoy time with your loved ones in the next few weeks ...

muzicgrl · Dec 8, 2010

I agree with you. The chances of finding a good job without college are next to nill and one that offers benefits? Even less likely.
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by SportiGrl <a href="/forum/thread/71510/gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me#post_1968059"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> muzic, daughter has insurance now and unless/till the GOP rescinds the healthcare plan she'll have it even w/o college for awhile .. my comment was more about if she doesn't stick with college and get that education her chances of eventually landing a job with insurance benefits is pretty low ... and that's not a good option for a person with her health issues ...
 
 
Mom is handling things well ... I'm doing mostly alright ... instead of focusing on how sucktastic it is that this is likely our last Christmas with mom I'm focusing on how good it is that she's healthy and here ... dad didn't make it to Christmas like we'd all hoped when he was sick ... and she's not in a bad place right now, compared to the misery of the past year or so, so that's good too ... we're going to try and do things we can while we can and enjoy the holidays as much as possible. I'm taking Friday off work and if she's up for it daughter and I are taking her Christmas shopping

thanks GB,DG, Ilene and hally ... I hope you are all well and getting ready to enjoy time with your loved ones in the next few weeks ... 
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Floridaboiler · Dec 8, 2010

My thoughts and prayers are with your and your family sporti!

SportiGrl · Dec 8, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Floridaboiler <a href="/forum/thread/71510/gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me#post_1968077"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> My thoughts and prayers are with your and your family sporti!
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thanks, FB ... Ihope you're all safe and healthy and still gainfully employed! makes things a LOT less stressful

gloom, despair and agony on me ...

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