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<p>...that you could erase the person that you used to be and become someone new?  I don't necessarily mean in real life, but maybe more so here on the internet.  There's been a lot of reflection in my life as of late and there's quite a bit of info that I regret saying and putting out there.  There's people that I'm sure that I hurt and I wish I could take it back. </p>
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<p>My maternal Grandma was an amazing person.  She was married to an Air Force General, so she was accustomed to grace and dignity, especially when times got rough.  My grandpa was gone a lot, wasn't there for my mom, the firstborn, to be born, and they suffered the loss of a child when he was killed in a plane crash.  He was a rock, too.  I have always looked up to my grandma and she's been gone now for almost 7 years.  I want to emulate her, maybe have 1/3 of the class that she did.  She really was a wonderful person who didn't speak poorly about anyone else and she really tried to go above and beyond to help others.  I really wish I was more like her.</p>
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<p>Now that it's been over a year since K died, I think about all the regrets that I have with him.  I think of the regrets I have in other areas of my life and I want to erase them.  Delete them from my life, but I'm not sure how.  Can people change?  Are you able to change who you are, change the core you?  Now that I've typed this out, maybe I don't just want to change my online person, but the real me, too.  I don't know.  I just know that I'm a good person and because of things I've said/done there's many a folk out there who probably think poorly of me and I don't like that.  I wish I could be someone who just didn't care, but I do.  I don't want to be remembered for the negative things.  I thought a lot about VooDoo when the year mark of his death rolled around.  He really was a great man and I respected him a lot.  He was a kind, gentle man, who cared about others.</p>
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<p>So, yeah.  I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  I just wanted to say that because of turmoil in my life I became someone different, said/did things that I normally wouldn't, and I wish I hadn't.  I'm sure I lost a lot of respect because of it and that sucks.  There's good people that I miss talking to.  That's all.  Carry on...</p>
 

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<p>I don't have much advice but I do know that people can change if they really want it.</p>
<p>I've changed who I am in positive ways in the last few years.  The death of my dad and birth of my grandson helped facillitate that change.  Having both my sons off in foreign war zones probably contributed also.  It can be done Soli, you just have to make it happen.</p>
 

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<p>I think at times we need to reinvent ourselves.  To take stock and see if we are truly living our values.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes, there are things I desperately wish I could undo or take back.  I once thought I had no regrets.  Because everything I've done has gone into making me who I am now.  And, honestly, I like who I am now.  Much more than the person I had been. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, I am deeply sorry for hurts I have caused.  For the thoughtlessness I had.  And, I use that sorrow to shape who I am now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You can absolutely be someone of whom you are proud.  You can absolutely be the woman you want to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes guts and determination and you've got those.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The only way to change behavior is to change behavior.  You can do it.  I have faith in you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-M</p>
 

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<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>McTortle</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69743/do-you-ever-wish#post_1939053"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I think at times we need to reinvent ourselves.  To take stock and see if we are truly living our values.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes, there are things I desperately wish I could undo or take back.  I once thought I had no regrets.  Because everything I've done has gone into making me who I am now.  And, honestly, I like who I am now.  Much more than the person I had been. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, I am deeply sorry for hurts I have caused.  For the thoughtlessness I had.  And, I use that sorrow to shape who I am now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You can absolutely be someone of whom you are proud.  You can absolutely be the woman you want to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes guts and determination and you've got those.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The only way to change behavior is to change behavior.  You can do it.  I have faith in you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-M</p>
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<p><br>
All of this.  Your Grandma sounds like my Nonna and I would like to be like, and of though of, like my Nonna was. </p>
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<p>I think most everyone will have some regrets in life.  I think it's pretty hard not to since we all grow and change and learn (sometimes the hard way).  I think ultimately, the point is that we DO  learn, from the good things we've done and the mistakes we've made.  People talk about older folks being wise, but older folks didn't wake up one morning with all of their wisdom.  Wisdom is gained throughout life.  Recognizing the good things about ourselves, and the not-so-good and wanting to change that for the better is evidence of wisdom.  And grace. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You are a good person, Soli.  You always have been.  You're more like your grandmother than you think. </p>
 

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<p><strong>Soli</strong> you certainly are one of the good ones!  No doubt about that in my mind at all!  Whether you see it or not, you've been a strong person throughout everything you've gone through.  And to top it off, you've an amazing mom.  You should be very proud of that.</p>
 

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<p>I think we all have felt like this at one time or another...well..you can't erase that past, just forge ahead.</p>
 

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<p>Yes, I have those feelings.  I think they are normal.  There are people I'd like to un-hurt (don't get me wrong, there are still people I'd like to hurt worse ha ha ) . There are decisions I wish I could un-make.  But most of all, I wish I could go back in time and more effectively communicate who I really am,  Because who I seem to be online is not even close to who I really am IRL.</p>
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<p>You hang in there, Soli.  Don't doubt yourself.  You have people who love you for who you are.  The decisions you have made in life helped form who you are now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I happen to be one of those people who love you as is. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>((Soli))</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jenna</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/69743/do-you-ever-wish#post_1939083"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>  (don't get me wrong, there are still people I'd like to hurt worse ha ha ) .</p>
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<p><br>
Bux!  Jenna's humping my leg!  Tell her to stop it!!   ........Bux?.................Bux? :D</p>
 

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<p>Hey Soli,</p>
<p>Look at them as learning experiences. Everyone has done or said things that they're not proud of and don't reflect their true feelings. Don't dwell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And accept yourself and love yourself for the awesome person you are.</p>
 

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<p>regrets are wisdom in kit form.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>just keep trying to be a better person today than you were yesterday - that's all any of us can do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(unless you can invent a time machine, in which case you will be exceedingly rich)</p>
 

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<p>One of my great beliefs is that the best predictor of future performance is past performance. People get upset by that, but it's true. They think I believe that people can't or don't change. Not true at all. It is more likely that they won't, but it is far from impossible. If they choose to then they will.</p>
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<p>Probably the most important thing is to not worry too much what people think of you. More than likely they think about us far less frequently than we suspect.. Never ever let antone else's opinion of you or prediction for you become your destiny.</p>
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<p>Stop beating yourself up. It is pointless. You cannot change even the most minor detail of life in the past, but your destiny is out there in the future for you to make of it what you will.</p>
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<p> </p>
<p>My dad was a wonderful man who, sadly, died when I was 11. Throughout my life when I have had choices to make I often ask myself, "Would my dad be proud of me for what I'm doing?" It only works on important stuff, but it works brilliantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feel free to use your grandma in the same way. She never dies if her memories and influences go with you.</p>
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<p>Be Well Miss Soli...you have always been one of my faves and I wish you nothing but the best in life.</p>
<p> </p>
 

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<p>Hi Soli. You are a good person, I've met you IRL and spent some good quality time with you.</p>
 

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<p>people worthy their 'salt' will see the real you and life will go on ... you can't truly live now if you constantly worry about and try to change what already happened ...  live your changed life and others will sit up and take notice.</p>
 
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