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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<span style="font-family:Arial;">The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy<br><br>
1. You know the state flower (Mildew).<br><br>
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.<br><br>
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.<br><br>
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.<br><br>
5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.<br><br>
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.<br><br>
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.<br><br>
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.<br><br>
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys.<br><br>
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.<br><br>
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette.<br><br>
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.<br><br>
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.<br><br>
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark<br>
while only working eight-hour days.<br><br>
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.<br><br>
16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and<br>
Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'<br><br>
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.<br><br>
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.<br><br>
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through<br>
the cloud cover.<br><br>
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can<br>
actually see it.<br><br>
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still<br>
wear your hiking boots and parka.<br><br>
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.<br><br>
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.<br><br>
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.<br><br>
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones<br>
after such a long time.<br><br>
26. You measure distance in hours.<br><br>
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.<br><br>
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.<br><br>
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, winter, Still Raining<br>
(Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).<br><br>
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them</span>
 

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I don't either. Those are supposed to be funny? They're just obvious statements.<br><br><img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/smile.gif"><br><br>
Didja know that the Bananaslug is the Washington State Bird?
 

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<a href="http://www.clipdude.com/photos/boringorcity.jpg" target="_blank">www.clipdude.com/photos/boringorcity.jpg</a><br><br>
Like Hippo, I'm like "yeah, so...?" Heehee, especially the one about swimming being an indoor sport.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yeah, I didn't think they were particularly funny either, maybe slightly 'snicker-worthy' for a few of them but mostly just something PNW'ers can probably relate to . . . someone sent it to me in an email.
 

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Yeah, well it made absolutely no sense to me... just as much as the following would probably make no sense to "youse guys".... well maybe the very last one....<br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is a peninsula.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Highlands</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the highest elevation along the entire eastern</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">seaboard, from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Maine</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">to Florida.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is the only state where all of its counties are classified as</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">metropolitan areas.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has more race horses than</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Kentucky</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has more Cubans in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Union City</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">(1 sq mi.) than</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Havana</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Cuba</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the densest system of highways and railroads in the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">US</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the highest cost of living.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the highest cost of auto insurance.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the highest property taxes in the nation.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">as the 'Diner Capital of the World.'</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. It is also home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">sausage w/peppers and onions.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">North Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with</span></i> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.</i> (That's where I live!<img alt="biggrin.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/biggrin.gif">)</span><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is home to the Statue of Liberty and</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Ellis Island</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Passaic</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">River</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">John P. Holland.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation's most</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">famous:</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Asbury Park</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, Wildwood,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Atlantic City</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Seaside</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Heights</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Long Branch</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Cape May</span></i><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>.</i> (There's also the "legal" nude beach, Gunnison Beach on Sandy Hook. Sun and fun!)</span><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the most stringent testing along our coastline for water</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>New Jersey</i></span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest</i></span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.</i></span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">(and here you thought</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Massachusetts</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">?).</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Here's to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">- the toast of the country! In 1642, the first</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">brewery in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">America</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, opened in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Hoboken</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">US</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">located in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Elizabeth</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">. Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">through</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Elizabeth Seaport first.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is home to one of the nation's busiest airports (in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Newark</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">),</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Liberty International.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">George Washington slept here. Several important Revolutionary War</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">battles were fought on</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">soil, led by General George Washington.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Menlo Park</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, laboratory.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first seaplane was built in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Keyport</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first airmail (to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Chicago</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">) was started from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Keyport</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first phonograph records were made in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Camden</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">was home to the Miss America Pageant held in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Atlantic City</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">playing board after the actual streets in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Atlantic City</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">And,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Atlantic City</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the longest boardwalk in the world,</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">not to mention salt water taffy.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Middle East</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">countries.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first Indian reservation was in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, in the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Watchung</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Mountains</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">has the tallest water-tower in the world. (</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Union</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">!!!)</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">had the first medical center, in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jersey City</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The Pulaski SkyWay, from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jersey City</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Newark</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, was the first skyway</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">highway.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first baseball game was played in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Hoboken</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, which is also the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">birthplace of Frank Sinatra.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first intercollegiate football game was played in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Brunswick</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">1889 (</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Rutgers</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">College</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">played</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Princeton</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">).</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>The first drive-in movie theater was opened in</i></span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>Camden</i></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>,</i></span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>NJ</i></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>, (but they're all gone now!).</i></span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">is home to 2 out of 3</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">of '</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">NEW YORK</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">'S' pro football teams!</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first radio station and broadcast was in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Paterson</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">NJ</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Armstrong.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">All New Jersey natives:</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Connie Francis,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sarah</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Eddie</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Money, Linda</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jerry</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lauryn Hill,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Ice-T,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm. Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson ,</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Francis Albert</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sinatra and 'Uncle Floyd' Vivino.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Bob Meade adds: The Great Falls in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Paterson</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, on the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Passaic</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">River</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, is</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">the second highest waterfall on the East Coast of the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">US</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know you're from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">when . . .</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You don't think of fruit when people mention 'The Oranges.'</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You've known the way to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Seaside</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Heights</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">since you were seven.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">3 A.M.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.</span></i><br><br><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and</i></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.</i> (NOT ME!)</span><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know what a 'jug handle' is.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that WaWa is a convenience store.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that the state isn't all farmland.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that there are no 'beaches' in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey-</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">there's the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">shore--and you don't go 'to the shore,' you go 'down the shore.' And when</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">you are</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">there, you're not 'at the shore'; you are 'down the shore.'</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know how to properly negotiate a circle.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that this is the only 'New' state that doesn't require 'New' to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">identify it (try . . .</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Mexico</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">. York. Hampshire-- doesn't</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">work, does it?).</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that a '</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">White</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Castle</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">' is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">a fast food sandwich.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You don't think 'What exit?' is very funny.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that people from the 609 area code are 'a little different.'</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Yes they are!</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Princeton</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">- that's for</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">out-of-staters.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.</span></i><br><br><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><i>You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.</i> (You mean no one else does?)</span><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">credits.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that people from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">North Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">go to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Seaside</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Heights</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, and people</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Central Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">go to Belmar, and people from</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">South Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">go to</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Wildwood. It can be no other way.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know a fellow New Jerseyite from very specific speech patterns:</span></i><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Gonna --- going to</span></i><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Wanna --- want to</span></i><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Donnashor --- down to the shore</span></i><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jeet? --- have you eaten?</span></i><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">youse --- plural of 'you'</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You weren't raised in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">New Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">-- you were raised in either</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">North</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jersey</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Central Jersey</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">or</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">South Jersey</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">You don't consider</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Newark</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">or</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Camden</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">to actually be part of the state.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Bamberger's and Orbach's.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You also remember</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Palisades</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Amusement Park</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You've had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">And finally…</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You've NEVER, NEVER NEVER, EVER</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">pumped your own gas.</span></i><br><br>
[snork]
 

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<span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#000000;">you Know You're From Long Island When...</span></span><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#000000;"><br><br>
You know someone who went to Chaminade.<br><br>
Jones Beach Theater is the best place in the world to see a concert. CASE CLOSED!<br><br>
Is it just me, or is every girl from Rockville Centre a bitch?<br><br>
Billy Joel said it best, "Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore."<br><br>
What's the big deal about the Hamptons?<br><br>
If you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.<br><br>
You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "the City"<br><br>
You know the Belt Parkway sucks!<br><br>
You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."<br><br>
You never realize you have an accent until you leave.<br><br>
You know where at least one strip club is.<br><br>
You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.<br><br>
You curse. A lot.<br><br>
Is Huntington really that cool?<br><br>
You've been to Utopia at least once.<br><br>
The goddamn geese are everywhere!<br><br>
If your parents didn't, your grandparents lived in the city.<br><br>
At some point in your life you or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.<br><br>
You actually remember when you felt safe swimming at Bar Beach and Hempstead Harbor.<br><br>
Commack movie theatre scares you<br><br>
You walk around the mall aimlessly.<br><br>
You drive around your town with your friends, and that's the most exciting part of your evening.<br><br>
On the weekend, your evening consists of seeing a movie, going bowling, or playing pool.<br><br>
When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.<br><br>
No word ends in an ER, just an AH.<br><br>
You feel like you know Howard Stern.<br><br>
You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you never go there.<br><br>
When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.<br><br>
You know that the beach sucks during the day and is the most magical place in the world at night<br><br>
You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.<br><br>
You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut.<br><br>
You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR. It worked.<br><br>
No matter what you do, you end up at the diner.<br><br>
Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.<br><br>
High school sports aren't that important.<br><br>
You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve.<br><br>
You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.<br><br>
Each one of your diverse friends mercilessly makes fun of his own background.<br><br>
You love that salty smell of the ocean.<br><br>
No, you don't want mustard on that burger!<br><br>
The most exciting day of your summer is when all tickets to every Jones Beach show go on sale.<br><br>
You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks. But, you periodically "Get the Crave"<br><br>
You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.<br><br>
You can order a pizza pie and a soda and people will understand.<br><br>
You felt slighted when Snapple sold out.<br><br>
You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.<br><br>
You wanted Hooters to open simply to piss off "decency" groups.<br><br>
You watched a game show and wondered, "why are these people so happy that they won a trip to New York?"<br><br>
You like The Brothers McMullen.<br><br>
When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he's talking about.<br><br>
You know that parts of the Godfather were filmed on LI.<br><br>
You always liked Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel.<br><br>
At some point in your life, you've gone clamming.<br><br>
You've been to the Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it.<br><br><br>
You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.<br><br>
You have been to Mulcahay's on Thanksgiving Eve, the largest ladies night event<br>
of every year.<br><br>
You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.<br><br>
You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.<br><br>
Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel<br><br>
You hate the radio commercials for the Dublin Pub<br><br>
Public beach? What's that?<br><br>
You can correctly pronouce places like Happauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa.<br><br>
You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.<br><br>
You grew up thinking Chinese food was a basic food group.<br><br>
You're used to driving down the street in December and seeing more light-up menorahs than you can shake a latka at. In fact, even your non-Jewish friends know what Matzoh is. And you've never driven more than 10 miles without seeing a temple.<br><br>
Oh, your parents are from Brooklyn? So are mine!<br><br>
Yes, admit it, you've cruised the Pike.<br><br>
You can remember making up rules for ?Shotgun? calls in high school.<br><br>
Your elementary school promoted dodge ball as the top gym activity.<br><br>
You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy?s.<br><br>
You consider nachos and cheese at the Coliseum to be a suitable dinner date.<br><br>
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.</span></span>
 

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Damn proud to be a PNWer.....One thing all of us south coast boys knew growing up was PRE.......just went and saw the documentary Spirit of the Marathon, all I could think of was , what kind of marathoner would Pre had been? Same answer each time, he would have run his guts out and then headed for a beer...my kind of runner.
 

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So true...i thought it was funny.<br>
Reminds me of a couple Seattleisms:<br>
What do you call one sunny day in Seattle? Summer<br>
What do you call two rainy days in Seattle? The Weekend<br><img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/smile.gif">
 

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<span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know you're from Michigan when:</span></span>
<ul><li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You define summer as three months of bad sledding.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You can identify an Ohio accent.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Owning a Japanese car is a hanging offense in your hometown.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">The Big Mac is something that you drive across.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You believe that "down south" means Toledo.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know what and where the "Big Tire" is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You bake with soda and drink pop.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You drive 75 on the highway and you pass on the right.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know what a millage is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You show people where you live by pointing to a spot on the palm of your right hand.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know what a "Yooper" is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your car rusts out before you need the brakes done.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Half the people you know say they are from Detroit... yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">"Up North" means north of Clare.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know what a pasty is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You occasionally cheer "Go Lions- and take the Tigers with you."</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Snow tires come standard on all your cars.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">At least 25% of your relatives work for the auto industry.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know more about chill factors and lake effect than you'd EVER like to know!</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">You never watch the Weather Channel - you can just assume they're wrong.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">The snowmen you make in your front yard actually freeze. Solid.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">The snow freezes so hard that you can actually walk across it and not break it or leave any marks.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">All your shoes are called "tennis shoes", even though no one here plays tennis anyway.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Your major school field trip includes camping and cross-country skiing.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#000000;">Half your friends have a perfect sledding hill right in their own backyard.</span></span></li>
</ul>
 

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Yeah, well it made absolutely no sense to me... just as much as the following would probably make no sense to "youse guys".... well maybe the very last one....<br><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">All New Jersey natives:</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Connie Francis,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sarah</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Eddie</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Money, Linda</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Jerry</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lauryn Hill,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Ice-T,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue,</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm. Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson ,</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Francis Albert</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Sinatra and 'Uncle Floyd' Vivino.</span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:'Franklin Gothic Medium';"><b>You forgot to mention the one dearest to a lot of us runners, the runner philosopher, George Sheehan</b></span></i><br><br><i><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You know that WaWa is a convenience store.</span></i><br><br><b><i>And WAWA originated in WAWA, PA</i> and began as a Milk farm.</b>
 

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<div style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><b><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:large;">You Know You're From Hampton Roads If...</span></span></b></span></div>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You have to adopt a surrogate professional sports team because you live in the largest metropolitan area without a single one.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You don't stop and look skyward when aircraft fly over.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You can see another 7-11 from the 7-11 where you're standing.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You know that 64 West in</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Chesapeake</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">is actually going east.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;">can name at least three of Mike Joynes' law partners.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You can finish the "Beach Ford" song...</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">While away from home, you can identify a fellow HR resident by their being the only one in a 17th Street shirt and flip flops. In December.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You know</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Mount</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Trashmore</span></span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">is a real place, not a joke.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Any westbound trip you've ever made involves at least one tunnel.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You can name at least three underwater tunnels within a twenty miles radius of your home.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">One of your Adopt-A-School partners in elementary school was a U.S. Navy vessel.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You can say "</span><span style="font-family:georgia;">N<span style="font-family:Verdana;">orfolk</span>" while sounding neither obscene nor incorrect.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You know that on-base purchases have no sales tax.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Newport News</span></span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">is not a catalog, it is a city.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">It's not a peninsula, it's the</span> <span style="font-family:Verdana;">Peninsula</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">. With a capital P.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">You can name all the I-64 spurs.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">It's not</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Portsmouth</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">, it's P-town.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">It's not</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Virginia Beach Boulevard</span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">, it's just The Boulevard.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br><br></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">The Strip isn't a nudie bar, it's a tourist trap.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">To you, Scope isn't just mouthwash.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">The Boathouse doesn't actually dock any boats.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You know what WRV, Hotline, Roxy, Billabong, and Quiksilver are.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You know Dam Neck and Birdneck aren't necks of any kind.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You don't mind the jet noise.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You don't slow down in the tunnel, because it's not a big deal. (Stupid out-of-towners.)</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Walking up hills causes an instant asthma attack.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You can go surfing and strawberry-pickin' in the same day.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">No, it's a city. Not a county.</span></span></span>
<blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">You can leave town for years at a time to find the same sections of roads still under construction.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br><br></span>
 

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Patrick, what I posted was from an email I had received, so I claim no authorship! Though I do have to admit, the first time I had ever heard of a WaWa was when I was in college, in Lancaster (pronounced LANcaster, not LanCASter), PA. Where I live, we don't even have any Dennys'!
 

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Ok - I'm going to tuck this in here because I don't want to start another "joke" thread. I just got this from a friend and was rolling! There might be a few women who can relate, or maybe even a few men . . . you poor poor men . . . <img alt="sad.gif" src="http://files.kickrunners.com/smilies/sad.gif"><br><br><br><br><br><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#0000FF;"><br><span style="font-family:Tahoma;"><span style="color:#000000;">This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.<br></span><br>
Dear Mr. Thatcher,<br><br>
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.<br><br>
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces<br>
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?<br><br>
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend<br>
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps, Crazy!<br><br>
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'<br><br>
Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.<br><br>
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?<br><br>
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.<br><br>
Best,<br>
Wendi Aarons<br>
Austin , TX</span><br></span></span></span>
 
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