[fox-runr]

<p>Mine sat on my desk for a week, then I tore it up.  My sister suggested that I write a letter to my parents.  It started out okay, but then it sounded angry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My sister had surgery almost 2 months ago.  I've really sheltered myself from my family for over a year, but she needed some help.  We had some heart to heart talks and she agreed that our renewed relationship stays amongst us.   Anyway, my sister basically called my mom out for a comment made about me, and said "I know this not to be true".  She then suggested that my mother call me.  This never happened.  My sister then asked me to write a letter because then things cannot be twisted.  I, however, cannot seem to write a "nice" letter.   Should I try harder??</p>

 

[ToddEP]

<p>It depends on what you are looking for. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If you are looking to renew ties and forget old trespasses, then that may be the route to go.  At the same time, if you just want to open up an old wound and pour some salt on it, this will do the trick too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You are definitely caught between a rock and a hard spot.  I can seem myself having to do this sometime in the future as my one sister will not acknowledge the other sister or our father.  She goes out of her way to say she doesnt have a dad or sister.  It sucks, but she is one stubborn bitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As to writing a letter, I wrote one to my dad.  He asked me to as it was part of the assignment while he was in detox treatment.  To say the gloves were off was an understatement.  To this day, we have a much better relationship.  He just needed to know that he had crossed the line and disappointed us, once too often while he was drunk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Best of luck in what you decide.</p>

 

[runfishhunt]

<p>Have the PRT write your letter.....</p>

 

[torque]

<p>I once sent my father an e-mail....he never responded...nuff said.</p>

 

[ToddEP]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>torque</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70282/anyone-in-a-dysfunctional-family-do-the-write-a-letter-thing#post_1948185"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I once sent my father an e-mail....he never responded...nuff said.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Well, ya gotta teach those old folks how to turn on the PC first!</p>

 

[Grizzly]

<p>Todd's on the right track.  Got to figure out:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>a) Why the letter is needed</p>
<p>b) What you hope to achieve</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If the letter is needed and you hope to achieve some reconciliation then you might want to write several letters, one to get all the anger out (don't send that), one to yourself telling you whatever it is you want to tell yourself.  Address it to the person you were back then, and say what you've learned, what hasn't healed, what you'd do differently, what you wouldn't move on.  Tell yourself what you hope to get out of this and what you will do if nothing happens or if it goes bad.  THEN write the letter to you Mom. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That last one might take a few rewrites.</p>
<p><br>
Be prepared to have nothing happen.  Be prepared to have the world end.  Be prepared to move on.</p>

 

[4boysmom]

<p>I did.  My mother never said a word and pretended the whole thing never happened.</p>

 

[torque]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>4boysmom</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70282/anyone-in-a-dysfunctional-family-do-the-write-a-letter-thing#post_1948219"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I did.  My mother never said a word and pretended the whole thing never happened.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Maybe my dad was married to your mum?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I had asked my dad if we could spend more time together.  I knew he got the e-mail because my mother told me he had mentioned it to her.  He said that if I wanted back into his life there would be conditions, but he never approached me on it, and quite frankly, I don't think I would have been able to sit still while he outlined what the conditions would have been.</p>

 

[wipaddler]

<p>my Granny is a big letter writer and her's are hurtful but thankfully I've never recieved them I've just had to hear everyone be upset about them.  I think if you can make it where you get your point across with out being to hurtful then I would go ahead and do it. </p>

 

[Sputnik]

<p><br><br>
Good advice from Todd & Grizz.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>fox-runr</strong> <a href="/forum/thread/70282/anyone-in-a-dysfunctional-family-do-the-write-a-letter-thing#post_1948154"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> My sister then asked me to write a letter because then things cannot be twisted. </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
So, be careful with this statement.  It's my experience that someone who wants to twist something around and/or refuses to (or can't) see anything from any perspective other than their own will interpret and twist something in writing as easily & quickly as something spoken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My MIL is a certifiable loon.  She's the most passive-agressive person you'll ever know.  She will never say anything in person or on the phone - always springs her attacks via e-mail.  She & DW have had many heated arguments via e-mail.  I'm always amazed at how she interprets & twists what seems so clear to me in writing.  I'm not sure why my wife continues to participate in these slippery e-mail chains, but that's a different story.</p>